


Your love is my turning page

by Cherrie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Famous Louis, I don't know how to tag excuse my word salad, I mean it's more or less in order, I'm kind of screwing with timeline, M/M, Promise, Writer Louis, Writer's Block, a bit of, also, at least at the beginnig, but I won't tag them cause I wrote 10k of words around that dramatic reveal, famous/non-famous, in a jane austen kind of way, it's a bit melancholic, it's just mentioned nothing graphic or anything like that, it's not as sad as you think it is, that mysterious person x is Louis ex boyfriend, there is also one surprise character you all know and love or hate, trigger warning for one very minor character death, whole thing is very... british I think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-02-14 01:18:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12996699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherrie/pseuds/Cherrie
Summary: Lottie and Liam told him to take it slow. They said that the words would come but they didn’t understand what it was like. The words were all he had left. He was his words. Ever since he was a kid he had always had so many things to say, so many stories in his head that it seemed like he would burst. He never had trouble with words. Words were the only thing that never let him down. And then they did. That fateful evening when Louis heardhimsaying some words of his own, that was the first time Louis had nothing to say. That was the moment when words just seemed to run out, and for now he wasn’t able to find any more.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [noellehenry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/noellehenry/gifts).



> FIRST THINGS FIRST. There are some things that may trigger you but as with mysterious character ex I think that revealing it would spoil the story for you. But. If you feel like you should know read end notes for chapter two the triggers are written there :)
> 
> holy motherfucking shit. this was AWESOME. I really liked this prompt and I didn't expect myself to get so wild with it but here I am so really really thank you! and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writting it! Please let me know what you think it means a world !
> 
> Also - as always- thank you [Serena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tempolarriefics) my amazing beta the coalmine of positive reinforcement :D
> 
> Also if you liked it I have 14 more of those just click on my name :D you know. when it appears :D  
> 

For once Louis was thankful for the storm. He wasn’t proud of it but he was not strong enough to not go through  _ Variety _ website and read all the bullshit. The storm, as always in this forgotten by god middle of nowhere, cut off his wifi so now he was left staring at the screen with _ ‘Internet connection fail’ _ written in big letters. 

Well, good. 

He stood up from his desk and moved downstairs to the kitchen to get himself a cup of tea before bed. As always he drank it looking outside the window. There wasn’t much of a view, to be honest. There were just hills. Some trees here and there. His own small rock fence. Hills. Some more hills. And one lonely rod with a white sheet pinned to it that Louis knew for a fact was a bus schedule from 2013. There was no need to update it to a current one - there was just one bus that drove through here. Like clockwork it stopped next to Louis’ house at 7:16 am, and then drove the other way exactly twelve hours later. 

Louis was halfway through his tea when a lone figure appeared in his peripheral vision and slowly sauntered over to the bus stop. As always, the guy righted his jacket, tightened his scarf around his neck, and then fixed his earbuds.

It was the same man as always. He was still young, probably in his early twenties - his hair was thick and dark and always stood out from his head in all kinds of bizarre angles. He was always squinting, either from the sun or the wind, and he was always without fail sitting on that bench in the evening waiting for a bus to come just as he was always getting out of it in the morning - and he always looked at Louis through his kitchen window. 

And Louis always let him.

There was just something about the man, some mystery that Louis as a writer couldn’t resist. Why he had he been taking this bus from Monday to Friday for months now? Why did he always seem like he was searching for Louis and then wave to him in such a cheerful gesture that clashed so strikingly with the growing sadness in his eyes?

Louis saw it. Even if there was a thick glass and quite a bit of distance between them, Louis saw how the man’s lips had started to form a tight line every time he sat on the bench, like he was trying to hold back tears, instead of the toothy grin he had the first time the guy saw him looking. He saw how much older he seemed - grey bags under his eyes and a slouch to his posture. 

This evening was like all the others before it - the man sat on the bench and his eyes immediately shot towards the house, looking at Louis through glass. Louis didn’t make a move to acknowledge him in any way, but the guy still smiled sadly and waved to him. Louis didn’t wave back. He just looked until the bus came, obstructing his view and whisking the mysterious man away.

Louis finished his tea and went to sleep. 

* * *

The first time Louis had seen this house, he didn’t even even take notice what it looked like. There was a bed, toilet, and a kitchen? Enough for him. It was also in the middle of nowhere? Fucking perfect. After what had gone down he wanted nothing more than to go somewhere that no one would find him.

The only people who knew his location were his immediate family and Liam - his best friend who had helped him move. Or moved him more likely. Louis hadn’t packed anything with him when he fled Los Angeles. He had only had a box of tissues that he kept sobbing in on the long flight to London and except for a tuxedo he didn’t even have time to change out of before his life went up in flames he had nothing at all. Liam, dear sweet Liam, flew to Los Angeles, packed his things, and arranged for everything to be shipped to his house, then he packed it all into a rental van and drove it to Louis’ new home. 

Louis didn’t have the heart to tell him that he didn’t want to see any of it. It all reminded him of the life he had before and he didn’t need that. The memories were very much alive in his head.

It was his first morning in the new house and the only thing he had unpacked were some sweats, his coffee machine, and some cups. He was standing by his window in the kitchen pondering some pretentious metaphor as to how the view from his window of empty landscape reminded him of his life and probably his soul when the bus stopped in front of his house. He looked - curiously wondering who would take a bus to this middle of nowhere. He knew there were a few houses further up the road but apart from that there was nothing for miles on end. 

The only person that got off the bus was a tall guy with tattoos covering his arm and a wide smile. Louis had never met a person whose default expression was a smile. But this guy was smiling widely while looking at Louis’ house like he was searching for something, comparing it to something he had written on a piece of paper. Louis still looked, his cup of coffee still halfway to his mouth when the guy caught his eye, smiled widely and waved. He waited a bit for Louis’ reaction but when it didn’t come he just smiled again and walked out of view with a bounce to his step.

Louis just went to his living room and looked at all the boxes Liam had managed to bring back for him from LA. And then he cried.

* * *

It was early March and it was going to get dark pretty soon but Louis still hadn’t realised how fast time could fly when you were staring at an empty word doc.

Ever since he had left LA he hadn’t been able to write a word. Ever since he had left LA he had spent his days staring at his laptop, writing a few words or a few pages and then erasing the entire thing. He looked at stuff he had saved on his hard drive. His debut book. His second book, the one that had gotten him noticed in Hollywood. He looked through the scripts he had written, all of those he wrote by himself and those he wrote with… no. Not even saying his name. He stared with disgust at the one that ruined everything and he shut his laptop violently. 

He squeezed his fists and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. Lottie and Liam had told him to take it slow. They said that the words would come but they didn’t understand what it was like. The words were all he had left. He  _ was _ his words. Ever since he was a kid he had always had so many things to say, so many stories in his head that it seemed like he would burst. He never had trouble with words. Words were the only thing that never let him down. And then they did. That fateful evening when Louis heard  _ him _ saying some words of his own, that was the first time Louis had nothing to say. That was the moment when the words just seemed to run out, and for now he wasn’t able to find any more. 

After one more deep breath he moved to the kitchen and started on his evening cuppa. He glanced at the clock trying to pretend to himself that he wasn’t checking if he had missed the bus stop guy. He looked at the clock. It was 7:10. In a few minutes the guy should appear on the corner of the street and he should sit on the bus stop like always. Louis made his cup of tea, positioned himself next to his window, and drank his first sip. He watched the road like a hawk. He took another sip of a tea and then another and soon he realised that he had finished it. He looked at the cup of tea like it had offended him and realised the guy was running late. 

His stomach twisted uncomfortably. The guy was late. And Louis had no idea how much he had grown accustomed to his presence until the point when the bus came and went and the guy was nowhere in sight. 

God, Louis was a fool. He was a delusional fool who somehow made those short human interactions into the pinnacle of his day. He was pathetic. He had spent every day for months waiting to see him, so hurt and so heartbroken that a wave and a smile were all that was left for him to look forward to.

But the guy had been there that morning. Louis had seen him. He got out of the bus and stopped for a few minutes like always, but this time looking for Louis wasn’t the first thing he did. This time he wiped his eyes first and then rubbed them tiredly. There was something tragically beautiful about him. And he looked so sad. He looked like he was about to break and Louis had to fight the urge to run out of the house and hug him. Instead, he did something he never did and raised his hand in acknowledgment. The guy’s lips had quivered slightly like he tried to smile but forgot how to.

Maybe that was it. Maybe acknowledging him was what made him disappear. Maybe he was never there in the first place. Maybe he was just a mirage, an embodied ghost of everything Louis needed and was left without. Maybe just as soon as Louis reached out to touch the guy, he had disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Louis threw the empty cup in his sink and angrily stormed to his office, where he opened his computer, and then started to write.

* * *

He didn’t even notice when night turned into morning, he was so enthralled with the words that seemed to be pouring out of him onto the page. His fingers flew over the keyboard and he didn’t stop for a second. Everything that he had been holding in for months was flying out of him. But when it started to get light again he jumped away from his desk and went to the kitchen like clockwork, his body too accustomed to seeing the guy that even when he had no hope of seeing him again his body reacted to the impulse before he even had time to think about it.

He sipped his coffee but the bus came and went and the mysterious guy still didn’t show up. 

He put his half drank cup in the sink and went upstairs to throw himself on the bed. It was a good thing he spent the entire night writing. He was way too exhausted to think or do anything else beside falling asleep. 

* * *

‘You son of a bitch piece of crap,’ Lottie read aloud from his laptop when he came downstairs after his slumber.

‘That’s personal.’ Louis noted flatly.

‘You son of a bitch piece of crap. I hate you with a fury of an entire solar system. If I ever see your face again I will show it what a big bang really means.’ She read on amusedly. ‘Pretty um… emotional for a professional writer.’ She added, her tone hesitant and her eyes calculating.

‘Great work always is.’ Louis commented bitterly, sitting next to her and closing his laptop. ‘What are you doing here?’ 

‘I came to invite you to dinner.’ Lottie smiled. ‘You’ve been cooped up in here long enough and we all let you because we understand that you need time to heal but now Liam sent me to play bad cop. If you turn down the invitation he will come next with his kid and they both will show you their puppy dog eyes.’ She threatened.

‘Lots….’ Louis started.

‘Your best friend has a child, Louis.’ She said, looking at him sharply. ‘Your best friend has a child and you’ve never even seen him.’ She added, making Louis blush as a feeling of guilt quickly rose up in his stomach. ‘We know that you’re hurting. But just come to dinner. Soph is cooking.’ 

‘I’ll go.’ Louis nodded, swallowing heavily.

‘Great. Go get dressed then.’ Lottie nodded.

‘What? It’s today?’ Louis asked incredulously. 

‘It can be. Just texted Soph we’re coming. You can’t be trusted with longer deadlines.’ Lottie smiled sweetly. 

Louis just stood up and intended to go upstairs to change. He knew that arguing with Lottie was futile.

‘Hey Lou,’ she stopped him when he was halfway up the stairs. ‘What made you finally say all of this?’ She asked softly and he didn’t need to look at her to know what she was talking about. 

They had tried to make Louis talk about what happened and about him for months, but he just shook his head and pleaded for them to stop. He wasn’t ready. He wasn’t ready to be angry, he wasn’t ready to be resentful, all he could feel was sadness, and even blaming him was so hard. And now she had read a few pages of what he wished he could say to him and it was everything they had tried to get Louis to say. It was natural that she wanted to know why now.

‘I don’t know.’ Louis shrugged, not even turning around. He couldn’t. Because he did know.

God help him, he did know.

* * *

‘He’s so fucking cute,’ Louis cooed in awe as he looked at the little baby laying in his cot and moving his tiny chubby legs around.

‘Language, Louis.’ He heard Sophia from behind him, a smile evident in her voice.

‘Sorry Soph.’ Louis smiled sheepishly. ‘He’s really just the cutest kid I’ve ever seen. You did good, buddy.’ He added, patting Liam’s back.

‘Thanks Lou.’ Liam smiled, ducking his head embarrassed and picking up his son.

‘No, I mean it, Li.’ Louis added with a dangerous glint in his eyes. ‘Top notch sperm. Great job on those swimmers.’ He added, enjoying how Liam’s eyes went wide.

‘Louis, stop making my husband flustered.’ Sophia laughed walking past them with a wine bottle.

‘But you know that’s my favourite thing!’ Louis argued teasingly. ‘Can I hold him?’ He added, looking to his best friend and feeling another pang of guilt at how Liam lit up at the suggestion.

‘Yeah.’ He smiled softly and handed little Bruce to Louis who took the boy delicately. cuddling him to his chest.

‘You look just like your daddy, don’t you?’ He cooed at the baby as he made gurgling delighted sounds back at him. ‘Such a pretty lad, let’s hope you inherited your mommy’s sense of humour, isn’t that right?’ He added, earning a giggle out of Liam too. 

Louis had a hard time with letting little Bruce go when it was time to sit at the table but Sophia insisted that it was time to put little Bruce to bed and Louis really didn’t want them to have to stay up all night. He had heard that babies could get fussy if they are not asleep at certain hour.

They sat around the table eating delicious Italian cuisine and drinking red wine and Louis felt himself smiling. His friends were like a warm blanket, and  it felt like his sanity and life sabbatical never happened. 

‘And they finally replaced John!’ Liam chimed in the conversation. John was a cardio surgeon working with Liam at the St. Thomas’ Hospital. A few weeks ago he left when he got a fellowship in Mayo, and ever since then Liam and three other cardiac surgeons have been spread thin covering his cases. Liam wasn’t usually the guy to complain about extra work load but with his first baby just being born he was actually hoping for some free time. 

‘Who’s the guy?’ Lottie asked between bites.

‘His name is Niall Horan. He’s cool, super young though.’ 

‘Honey, he’s only two years younger than you.’ Sophia smiled.

‘Yeah but he’s like… very chippy’ Liam shook his head fondly. ‘When I met him first I was terrified that this was the guy they were letting hold a scalpel. He was bouncing around our break room, things falling out of his hands, we were literally petrified. But then I saw him in the OR, and he’s actually very good.’ 

‘He’s a great guy.’ Sophia added. ‘We had him over for dinner - he literally ate our entire fridge!’ She laughed jovially.

‘Well that may be because everything you cook is incredible.’ Louis smiled, patting her hand.

‘Kiss-ass.’ Lottie said through a fake cough. ‘Oh sorry,’ she said then with an innocent face expression. ‘I’m not sure if you heard me correctly.’ She smiled sweetly. ‘Kiss. Ass.’ She articulated perfectly with a self satisfied grin. 

The dinner was amazing. It was almost like old times. Louis couldn’t remember when was the last time he had laughed that much. He didn’t remember the last time he laughed at all. 

After dinner, Liam promised to drive him back. They dropped Lottie off first and sped out of the city heading north towards Louis’ house. They talked, Liam going on and on about Bruce, and Louis drinking in every word out of his mouth trying to catch up on all the things he missed. 

‘I’m really sorry, Li.’ Louis whispered when they stopped in front of his house, making Liam’s mouth form a tight line.

‘No...I… I’m sorry. I didn’t even call you when Soph went into labour.’ Liam said turning around to face Louis, his brows frowning. 

‘Well I didn’t actually give you any indication that I would be there… I. Li, I’ve been a shit friend this past few months. It wasn’t your fault. And I’m so, so sorry. I missed you so much. And seeing you with Soph and Bruce today… I can’t believe I missed out on this. I’m so proud of you.’ Louis said, twisting his fingers.

‘It’s okay, Lou.’ Liam soothed. ‘Come here,’ he said reaching for Louis. ‘You’ll always be my baby brother okay? I don’t care what happens. I don’t care if we drift apart for a bit there. You’re my family.’

‘I’m older than you.’ Louis mumbled where he was squeezed into Liam’s shirt.

‘Yeah, but I’m more mature’ Liam snickered.

‘You mean boring.’ Louis teased back, inhaling Liam’s smell. 

‘Can we get back to the part when you were begging my forgiveness?’ Liam laughed.

‘I wasn’t begging’ Louis rolled his eyes. ‘But I am sorry.’ He added as an afterthought.

‘I know. It’s okay. I just want you to be okay. Whatever you need, I just want you to be happy again.’ Liam said, rocking Louis back and forth in his arms.

‘I will be.’ Louis promised even though a large part of him didn’t believe it. 

‘Okay.’ Liam nodded and kissed the top of Louis’ head before letting him go. ‘Do you think you maybe should go out more? I’m not trying to tell you what to do,’ he added defensively. ‘I know you’re focusing on writing again and you’re trying to cut off your old life but… just going out to have some beer with a friend? I could bring Niall? Someone who doesn’t know you and you don’t have to make excuses to?’

‘I’ll think about it.’ Louis smiled and jumped out of the car before he had to make any promises. He was going to be a better friend but that doesn’t mean that suddenly he’s going to become one of the lads again. 

When Liam drove off Louis looked to his left and saw a bus stopping at the corner of his house. Against his better judgment he perked up waiting for the mysterious guy to appear. For the second day in a row, there was no one. 

Maybe he had dreamed him after all.

* * *

If Lottie and Liam thought he was going to suddenly change back into whoever he was before, they were sorely mistaken. Louis didn’t even think the person he was before still existed.

He still spent most of his days sitting in his recluse, sometimes interrupted by going to see Liam and his family or Lottie and his mom. He still woke up early enough to look for a mysterious guy on the morning bus and still came home just in time to see the evening one stopping at the corner and not taking anyone else on board. 

As days turned into weeks and snow started to melt, Louis was pretty much convinced that the guy was just a figment of his depressed imagination. 

Shame, Louis really wished he could thank him because there was also one more new development - he was writing again.

It wasn’t anything he was ready to show to the world, it wasn’t anything he was even ready to reread or make sense of. It was a scene here, some drama sequence there, or just a good dialogue that popped inside his head. But he wrote. It was more than he could say for the past few months. 

He also got out more. Nothing crazy, but he did get his own groceries instead of paying an outrageous amount of money to have them delivered, or just like now - he was driving to take Liam out to lunch. When he parked in front of the St. Thomas’ hospital he could have sworn that he saw the Bus Stop Guy but when he blinked he was gone. Louis shook his head - that was not healthy at all.

He went inside and moved towards the lounge where he knew he could find Liam and indeed he walked in on his best friend laughing loudly with some blonde guy.

‘Lou!’ Liam cheered happily upon seeing Louis, like he was surprised that Louis had showed up. As fair as it was, it still stung a little. 

‘Hi Li,’ Louis smiled and kissed his best friend’s cheek.

‘Lou this is Niall - my work husband.’ Liam giggled, looking twenty years younger.

‘Niall the new guy! Nice to meet you, mate!’  Louis smiled, shaking blonde guy’s hand. ‘You coming to lunch with us?’

‘Uh…  I...’ Niall stammered, looking towards Liam a bit unsure. ‘I don’t want to impose.’

‘Nonsense. I would love to get to know you.’ Louis smiled. ‘Come on man, let’s get some burgers.’ He smiled, clapping both of the men on the back.

‘Yeah Niall, we all know how you like meat.’ Liam wiggled his eyebrows.

‘I mean I was supposed to go with my mate for lunch, but he’s run off to some emergency’ Niall said.

‘You’re cheating on me with other doctors?’ Liam gasped mockingly.

‘He’s not a doctor, sweetums.’ Niall cooed. ‘He’s a nurse. He used to be house nurse, worked with sick kids, but he got back here. He actually just started a few days ago, so I wanted to show him around the best places.’ 

‘We’ll take him out next time, then!’ Louis grinned and even if he overplayed his enthusiasm, Liam’s blinding smile was enough to make it worth it.

* * *

Niall was a fucking blast.

If Louis knew that hanging off of a drunk Irish person at 4 in the morning and then crashing on his couch was the best solution to turn off his mind, he would have found Niall months ago.

He was lying on Niall’s couch and everything was spinning. It was the third time they went out together and Liam tried to keep up with them but when push came to shove he prefered going home in time to put his son to sleep or at least fall asleep with his wife, so all three times Louis and Niall have been left to their own devices. They didn’t really mind since it took them all of five minutes during that first lunch to become best buds for life. Or lads, as they prefered to call each other.

So Louis was crashing on Niall’s couch. Again. And he was drunk beyond belief. Again. But his head was clear as ever. He had a story in his head, and he was itching to write it down. He couldn’t close his eyes, he couldn’t fall asleep because for the first time in a very long time he had a story. 

Niall had to have a laptop here somewhere… right?

Louis stood up, he thought quietly, and padded across the hallway to where he thought Niall’s bedroom should be. He opened the first door and saw a huge bathtub - probably no laptop then. 

When he opened the second door the first thing he saw was a thin line of dimmed light. Score!

He didn’t even look around before jumping on the chair and opening the laptop. A picture of pretty blonde girl with dimples greeted him on the background. Huh, he didn’t know Niall had a girlfriend.

He logged onto his e-mail and opened a new doc and started typing. 

It seemed like his fingers weren’t able to keep up with his mind and he had no idea how long was he at it when he heard a loud shout and turned around to see a dark figure on a bed.

‘Shut up Niall, go back to sleep.’ He mumbled, not even taking his eyes away from the computer.

‘What the fuck?! Who the fuck are you?!’ came the terrified voice from the bed that now - now that Louis heard it saying something more than just incoherent shout - was not Niall at all. It was deeper. Richer.

‘Um……’ Louis said turning around slowly, trying to make out the dark figure on the bed. He held his hands up in futile hope of looking less threatening. 

‘It’s you.’ Said the voice again, this time a little disbelievingly, while Louis’ eyes finally adjusted to the darkness and he gasped almost comically, because he knew that face. From the top of his slightly curling at the ends hair to the bottom of his dimples - he knew him. It was the Bus Stop guy.

‘Are you real?’ He whispered towards the man that was sat on the bed and who laughed giddily at Louis’ question. The Mystery Bus Stop Guy couldn’t be real because he laughed in a way only woodland creatures were allowed to laugh. It was joyous and free. He tilted his head back and exposed his neck and Louis could swear there was a literal star dust coming off of him. 

‘I am.’ The guy giggled again. ‘I’m not sure you are though.’ He added with soft smile. ‘What are you doing in my room? ...Wait. Am I dreaming?’ He asked thoughtfully while pinching his arm.

‘No.’ Louis breathed. ‘I’m… I’m friends with Niall? He let me crash on his couch. We were um... Too drunk to get me home.’ He admitted sheepishly.

‘You’re Louis.’ The guy smiled like it just hit him. ‘Niall has been talking about a Louis lately.’

‘I am.’

‘I’m Harry. I’m crashing at Niall’s for a few. It’s nice to meet you.’

‘We met before.’ Louis noted calmly against the rapid drum of his heartbeat.

‘Did we though?’ Harry asked tilting his head to the side, and before Louis had a chance to answer Harry spoke again. ‘What are you doing?’ He pointed with his chin towards his laptop.

‘I’m… um… I’m writing.’ Louis said.

‘What are you writing?’ Harry asked again with a soft smile that was almost fond.

‘A book. Or a script… I’m not sure.’ Louis found himself confessing before he even gave his mouth permission to speak. 

‘Are you a writer?’ Harry asked and there was something sensitive, childish in the best way in almost all of his questions. 

‘...I used to be.’ Louis answered after a bit, wincing at the implication of his words.

‘You should go back to it then.’ Harry smiled, pointing towards the laptop with his chin.

‘What?’ Louis asked.

‘Write. I’ll take a nap.’ Harry shrugged and laid back on his bed. ‘Goodnight Louis.’

‘Goodnight Harry.’ Louis smiled a bit dumbfounded. He had expected more questions like: why are you using my laptop without my permission? We don’t know each other I don’t want you in the same room when I’m sleeping, or any other thing that a reasonable person would say but Harry just closed his eyes, and after few minutes his mouth fell open and he let out a soft snore. Louis smiled, biting his bottom lip trying to contain the warmth filling his body and started to type again.

* * *

Louis was woken up by the smell of a fresh coffee and a soft hand on the small of his back. He opened one of his eyes and saw Harry’s face smiling down at him. He also felt something   hard digging into his cheek. He unglued himself from it and massaged the side of his face when he realised it was a laptop. Then, the events of last night came back to him. He looked toward the laptop terrified and saw it blank. He frantically grabbed the mouse, waking the computer up again and sighed in relief when he saw thirty pages still saved on his Google Doc. He rubbed his eyes, itching to go home and read it to see if there was something there that he could turn into an actual book.

‘Everything there?’ he heard an amused voice from above him and looked to see Harry smiling.

‘I… I think so.’ Louis ducked his head, slightly embarrassed. ‘Believe it or not I was pretty pissed yesterday. There is the possibility I wrote more than this, I just don’t remember it.’ He laughed, looking up at Harry through his eyelashes and trying to gauge whether he was about to be violently murdered for crossing hundreds of lines. Granted, Harry didn’t seem mad, but on the other hand he could be a total psycho, smiling happily before dousing Louis in scalding hot coffee.

‘Oh I believe it.’ Harry chuckled. ‘I made breakfast. Niall is already in the kitchen so we should probably get there before he eats everything,’ he added.

‘I broke into your room and used your laptop and you made me breakfast in return?’ Louis asked, his eyes narrowed suspiciously.

‘Well sleeping on the chair must have been really uncomfortable. I should have probably made you go back to the couch.’ Harry said, looking down, his brows furrowed like he thought it was actually his responsibility to talk a drunk and persistent Louis into doing an adult thing. Ha. 

‘Maybe you were right. Maybe we haven’t met before because if we had, you would know that no one can make me do anything.’ Louis smiled.’ But … I’m sorry about yesterday, I thought NIall lived alone, I was super sure it was his bedroom’ he explained himself.

‘I’m not actually living here. I’m just looking for a place. My… um. My last job kind of drained me emotionally.’ Harry smiled sadly rubbing his hands over his eyes. ‘I went away for a bit, and now that I came back... I’m still looking for an apartment. I’m crashing with Niall for a while.’

‘Yeah…. I… I get it.’ Louis nodded sadly and Harry reached out to put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly before speaking:

‘Come on, Lou. Pancakes are getting cold.’ 

* * *

Louis printed out the last page and turned the stack of papers over to the title page.

_ ‘Just Like You’ by Louis Tomlinson. _

He wasn’t sure what he was going to do with a script. It had been over a year and he wasn’t in contact with anyone from his previous life. His phone was laying turned off in a drawer somewhere. He had gotten a new one when he moved back to England so his mom, Lottie, and Liam could call him. He was afraid to turn the old one on and see how many missed calls he had. And yet, he was even more afraid that there would be none. 

But maybe it was time.

Maybe he was finally ready to get back, to take what was his and not hide under a rock somewhere for another year. Jesus hadn’t he let him take enough already?

His finger twitched in the direction of the drawer where the phone was and he nearly reached for it when the door to his house slammed loudly against his wall.

‘Lou!’ He heard Harry’s voice and spun around to see his friend standing in the doorway with a basket in his hand. He was out of breath, his scarf loose around his neck and his cheeks red like he had walked in the wind for a long time. He was the most delicate thing Louis had ever seen.

‘Hi Haz,’ he said softly not even having it in him to yell at him for barging in unannounced. If it was Niall he would have heard a mouthful but it was Harry - with wind in his hair and light in his eyes and Louis could not say no to him ever. 

‘We’re having a picnic!’ Harry beamed. ‘It’s the first remotely sunny day this year and I made sandwiches!’ He bragged shoving the basket in Louis’ face.

‘Okay, love’ Louis nodded trying to contain his fond smile. It didn’t work.

He bundled up with a smile and left his house with Harry hand in hand, the damned cellphone forgotten.

Ever since their meeting at Niall’s flat, all four of them had started to hang out. Well, three of them. It was a miracle if they could catch Liam for more than few hours at a time, and Louis understood. He had just had a baby, he wanted to see all of the milestones and he was already missing a lot while he was at work. That’s why Louis was glad that he had Niall and Harry. And maybe they didn’t get him the way Liam did, but how could they? They had no idea who he was, no idea what he had gone through or why he came back. Louis avoided all talk of his past like it would burn him. But even without that, Niall was great when Louis wanted to just turn off, he was great in getting rowdy, thinking up thousands of ways to entertain Louis and probably half of London. And then there was Harry.

Louis didn’t know how to describe Harry. He was a writer and he knew words yet he never managed to capture Harry. 

He knew how Harry made him feel, though.

When he was with Harry it felt like the first day of college. When all of your books are new and shiny, and are not broken in yet. He made him feel that tingle of anticipation, like he could put a fat line over what he was before and just start from there. Create himself again, be whoever he wanted to be because Harry hadn’t known him before. But he wanted to know him now, he was so eager to meet him, asking hundreds of questions but never prying and Louis wanted so badly to be someone worth meeting. 

They were sitting on the hill a few minutes above Louis’ house under a huge tree. Harry spread the blanket over the damp grass and he poured tea into two cups, handing one of them to Louis. 

‘You almost forget that life happens while sitting here.’ Harry said drinking his tea and looking off into the distance.

‘Why do you think I moved here?’ Louis grimaced with a sourness in his tone.

‘I don’t know why you moved here.’ Harry stated. It could have been taken as a dig at how Louis never spoke about his past, but the way Harry said it had no malice behind it. He was just stating a fact. Regardless, his brow was furrowed and he suddenly reminded Louis of how he had looked nearly a year ago when Louis used to watch him through the glass.

‘Love, is something wrong?’ Louis asked, leaning in a bit to take a good look at Harry’s face.

‘No… um….’ Harry sighed looking up at Louis with sad smile. ‘This fucking day…’ He shook his head and his hair, getting longer and longer these days, bounced around his head.

‘Tell me.’ Louis coaxed gently, ducking his head down to look in Harry’s eyes. 

Harry was his complete opposite. He wore his heart on his sleeve. He didn’t blabber about his life all the time, but he didn’t bottle it in when something was bothering him. He always needed an outlet, he wanted to talk about his problems, he wanted support from his friends, and Louis admired it so much. It was so brave to just lay yourself bare like that. Harry was so brave.

‘Remember how we met?’ Harry smiled softly making Louis’ face light up too. He always liked remembering when Harry was the only ray of sunshine in his life. Not that much had changed though.

‘Yeah, you were getting off a bus next to my house, nursing a kid in the house a few minutes up the road.’ Louis nodded. He had asked Harry what he did there - they had been friends for a while now after all. 

‘Yeah, until they didn’t need me anymore, right?’ Harry nodded wistfully. ‘Well… that’s not exactly true.’ Harry admitted twisting his fingers. ‘I worked with kids with genetics disorders and even terminally ill kids but, she… she was the first one that died.’

‘Oh love…’ Louis sighed and pulled Harry into his body after placing his cup on the grass. Harry laid his head on Louis’ chest and let out a shaky breath.

‘It really screwed me up. I spent months with her, her parents were killing themselves trying to afford her medication, that was doing nothing to cure her only prolonging the inevitable and I was with her almost every day, and fuck… that was the first time I felt so useless.’ Harry whispered. ‘I thought… I went to med school, and I know, I know they tell you every step of the way to remember that this not make you God, that you can’t save everyone, that there is more that we don’t know than the things we do, but Jesus. We spent months, all of us doing everything in our power to keep her alive and she …. She died.’ Harry choked out a tiny sob.

‘I’m so sorry. Baby. I’m so, so sorry’ Louis murmured, holding Harry so tightly that he was nearly cutting Harry’s circulation off.

‘Today is the anniversary of her death.’ Harry whispered. ‘I just… I really didn’t want to be alone today.’ He added, pushing into Louis’ space more. 

‘You don’t have to.’ Louis promised fiercely, rocking Harry back and forth ‘You never have to be alone again.’

* * *

Liam dropped Louis off back at his house after dinner. Niall took a giggling Harry home, and Louis was still reeling from the kiss that Harry gave him goodbye at the corner of his mouth. Louis was sure that Harry was just too drunk to aim properly and that he probably meant to kiss his cheek, but he still blushed at the memory. He didn’t know why Harry had this kind of effect on him. He had never encountered something like this.

Liam hugged him and ruffled his hair happily. Recently, he had started to do that again. Right around the time when Louis started to be a little shit again, started to laugh just because, right around the time Louis met Harry. 

Louis kissed his cheek and then twisted his nipple for good measure before jumping out of the car and skipping up his driveway.

He watched Liam drive away and then he turned the key in the lock. He turned it once and the door gave way. Louis frowned. He could have sworn he turned the lock twice. He always turned the lock twice.

His heart rate picked up dangerously and he took out his phone and pressed a 991 on his keyboard just in case. He pushed the door open and punched the wall next to it for a switch, and when he finally got it and the room was bathed in light, he screamed, seeing a man sitting at his table.

‘Leaving your key under your doormat.’ He heard a familiar voice ‘And I thought you were smart.’ The guy smirked unkindly, lighting up a cigarette. By the way his house smelled, Louis figured it was not his first one, but the familiar smell kind of calmed him - strangely enough.

‘Shit, you scared me.’ Louis breathed loudly holding a hand over his chest.

‘Wow, can’t imagine how that must feel.’ He snarled, looking at Louis sharply.

‘How did you find me?’ Louis asked after a bit, quietly, not daring to look into his eyes for longer than a few seconds at the time.

‘Not through your phone GPS that’s for sure, since you know. You disconnected the line after you ran away.’ He accused

‘Zayn I….’ Zayn held his hand up.

‘I found your mom, called her up and begged for your contact information. She wouldn’t budge. Then I did the same thing with your sister, with a same result. And then I remembered another one person - your childhood best friend Liam. I had a guy track him down and then I flew over here and followed him like a fucking creep for days until he finally led me to you. I drove after him when he was picking you up today. Been waiting for you.’ Zayn replied calmly and Louis looked at him in shock.

‘You followed my friend? Harassed my family?!’ Louis yelled, outraged.

‘Oh, fucking spare me! Harassed?! I’m your friend, asshole, not a fucking pap! Do you really think I would have done it if I had any other choice?!’ Zayn yelled, standing up and towering over Louis. ‘I haven’t heard a word from you in over a year! I didn’t know whether you were alive or dead. Are you fucking kidding me?! No one knew what happened to you! Do you think I enjoy behaving like a creepy ex-boyfriend trying to find you?! I’m a goddamn actor. not a detective, you asshole! One day we’re working on a TV series together, getting drunk on the wrap up party and the next he’s telling me that you left! And I can’t fucking get a hold of you.’ Zayn finished, his nostrils flaring and Louis shrank under his gaze. ‘I….’ Zayn started and it was like he was a balloon and someone had pinched him. ‘What the fuck happened, Lou?’ He asked sadly.

Louis looked at Zayn and he squeezed his fists, guilt and all the memories again pushing against his temples. 

‘Do you want something to drink?’ He asked calmly and Zayn snorted, disappointed at Louis delaying the subject.

‘Sure,’ he replied curtly.

Louis poured them both a glass of whiskey and joined Zayn at the table. They both sipped it in silence, Zayn watching Louis and Louis watching his glass.

‘I did another movie with him. Did you hear?’ Zayn asked conversationally after few minutes.

Louis shook his head.

‘We are almost finished with it.’ Zayn tackled on. ‘Great fucking script. My agent nearly creamed herself when she read it. She says it may earn me a Golden Globe.’ 

Louis hummed.

‘You know what it’s about?’ Louis gritted his teeth and glared at Zayn. ‘You do, don’t you?’ Zayn swallowed loudly. ‘I fucking knew it. It’s not his script, is it?!’

‘Zayn…’ Louis started, trying to get him to stop.

‘No! Just fucking admit it! It’s not his! I fucking know you. I know how you write, or did you forget that? I was there when you hadn’t even met him and even though you lost yourself in him, I did not forget who you were without him, and it’s not his script. He took yours, and the only thing I don’t understand is why you let him!’ Zayn exclaimed, fuming. 

‘I couldn’t stay there, Zayn. I loved him how could I fucking stay after this?’ Louis asked, trying to hold back his tears.

‘After what?!’ Zayn yelled throwing his hands up and upon seeing Louis shrink on himself, he slid to his knees and crouched down next to Louis and took his hand lightly ‘What happened between you two? I saw you two days before that party and you were good. You were great. What happened?’

So Louis took a deep breath and started talking.

* * *

He and Zayn went to sleep late. Louis was fucking exhausted from all the talking that he basically fell asleep in the middle of his sentence. When he opened his eyes, he saw Zayn in bed next to him in the same exact spot he had been in late last night when Louis was sobbing on his arm.

Louis reached out his hand and fixed Zayn’s hair, which was sticking out of his head. He would die if he saw it like that - he was slightly obsessed with his hair. His hand stopped on Zayn's hair and Louis blushed guiltily.

When he was running away from LA, Louis was just trying to get away from him and he didn’t think about other things he would be leaving behind. Even though after hearing everything Zayn didn’t seem to be holding a grudge, Louis still felt like shit. Zayn had been his first friend in LA. They met when Louis just sold the rights to his book and Zayn was just a waiter trying to make it in the business, and they did it together before anyone else came into the picture. They had done it together and it wasn’t fair of Louis to leave Zayn hanging like that without a word of explanation.

Louis had to come to terms with one simple truth - lately he had been a shit friend. For Liam and for Zayn, and he had to make it better. 

He decided to start small and he stood up quietly and went downstairs to start on the breakfast. He was just frying some bacon when a few things happened almost simultaneously.

Zayn had just come downstairs, and Louis had teased him about walking around half naked with only his boxer briefs on. Zayn retaliated by jumping on him and just as Zayn was all over Louis, the door snapped open to reveal an excited Harry, the words frozen on his tongue and caught in his half open mouth.

‘Oh… I… fuck… sorry!’ Harry yelled out and stormed out of the house.

‘Shit!’ Louis exclaimed and pushed Zayn off to run after Harry, his feet bare and wearing only his last night’s clothes. ‘Harry!’ he yelled after his friend cursing under his breath. ‘For crying out loud, Haz, I’m cold as shit and I don’t have shoes on, would you fucking stop already?’ he yelled again and saw Harry stopping dead in his tracks.

Louis made a few more steps towards Harry and he slowly turned around, looking at Louis accusingly before sighing heavily like Louis was such a hardship. He took off his enormous scarf and draped it over Louis’ arms before bringing his huge hands to Louis waist and picking him up to place his bare feet on top of Harry’s trainers. For a gesture usually reserved for five year olds learning how to dance on adults feet, it felt strangely intimate as it set Harry’s face only inches away from Louis'.

‘That was Zayn Malik, naked in your house.’ Harry said, his voice calm, despite his previous storm out.

‘He wasn’t naked.’ Louis rolled his eyes, which only prompted Harry to raise his eyebrow in his usual ‘cut the bullshit Lou’ look. ‘Fine.’ Louis huffed, holding onto Harry’s shoulder. ‘Zayn is my … friend.’ Louis said like he was trying out the word. ‘No, he is.’ He added more confidently. ‘Just because I’ve been a shit one doesn’t erase the fact. I left LA, my entire life there without a word or any explanation whatsoever and he tracked me here.’

‘Okay,’ Harry nodded prompting Louis to go on. He must have so many questions. 

‘I want to tell you what happened.’ Louis whispered, looking up to Harry’s eyes ‘I really, really do. But I’ve been running away from it and everything that life entailed for months now and I hurt some people along the way. I think I have to make it right first. Because I don’t want you to think less of me.’

‘Lou…’ Harry sighed softly, his hands tightening on Louis’ waist. ‘I could never think less of you. Whatever happened, whatever you did - you’re human, we make mistakes sometimes. And do I want to know why do you have a famous A list actor running around your house with just his boxer briefs on?’ He smiled seeing Louis chuckle. ‘Sure. And I have an inkling now that I could probably google you… and come up with something...’ He trailed off and something in Louis’ expression must have confirmed his suspicion because he bit his lip like always when he was pondering something. ‘But I won’t do that. I assume those things would just be fucking bullshit either way.’ 

‘Thank you.’ Louis exhaled.

‘So…’ Harry trailed off after a bit. ‘You’re that kind of a writer.’ He stated with a sparkle in his eye.

‘Yeah. I… I worked with Zayn on a few things.’ Louis conceded, figuring that was already pretty self explanatory. 

‘Did you two…?’ Harry asked looking strangely nervous, blushing beautifully.

‘No.’ Louis said biting around the smile. ‘Harry, no.’ He added, tugging on one of Harry’s curls to make him look down.

‘Okay,’ Harry nodded, looking into Louis’ eyes, his smile slowly breaking through his frown.

‘Okay.’ Louis grinned back at him.

* * *

‘That was such a shit idea.’ Louis groaned, banging his head on the table in the private jet Zayn flew to London in.

‘It was your idea,’ Zayn noted unbothered, not even looking up from the magazine he was reading.

‘This script is like barely finished,’ Louis argued.

‘You wanted me to have it. You told me, ‘I have a script Z, one you would be amazing in. We could do magic again. Together.’ He added in a strange imitation of Louis’ high pitched voice.

‘First of all, don’t ever do that again.’ Louis grimaced ‘Second of all, I didn’t mean we have to do it now!’

‘Oh you wanted to spend another year in your artistic recluse? I swear to god, Lou, you’re more pretentious than Hemingway and Bukowski combined.’ Zayn rolled his eyes.

‘Fuck off.’ Louis snapped, smiling secretly. He was so glad that seemingly nothing had changed between him and Zayn. After two days spent in Louis’ house, Zayn had to come back to LA - he had a movie to promote and he had managed to get Louis to come with him. He was on the phone with his agent all of yesterday arranging meetings with studios to sell Louis’ script and it seemed like he had created a lot of buzz. The entire town was looking forward to seeing if Louis Tomlinson - the prodigal son returning was going to crash and burn.

And even though yesterday he was so sure it was a good idea, to get back out there - to fight, and to give something to Zayn in the process - a flight to LA from London was a long one and now the doubts were circling around his mind again. 

Zayn filled him in on everything that had happened since he left. And it was a lot - and the worst thing was - Louis had no idea what he was expecting, but it still hurt like a motherfucker when all of his worst suspicions were confirmed. 

It seemed like the guy Louis loved was just as cold hearted and calculating as he revealed himself to be that last day when everything went to shit. He ran around town pretending to be heartbroken about Louis leaving, saying shit like ‘he was washed up for a long time’ or ‘he couldn’t stand the fame’ or ‘he stopped writing months ago’, all of which were blatant lies. Louis still remembered how the last months were - how he was the one carrying them both, making sure they had a script for the next episode on time, nursing  _ his  _ fragile ego when he whined about not being able to write.

He always figured that he did what he did because he got scared, and on some level he could understand that - but he had to finally come to terms with the fact that the decision to steal Louis’ script and sell it as his own couldn’t be one made on the whim. It had to be months and months of meetings behind Louis’ back when Louis had been killing himself to make them  _ both  _ happy. 

Just thinking about it made Louis want to fucking puke.

* * *

 

Louis stayed in a hotel. Zayn had asked him to come to his mansion on the hills, but he also told him about some new guy he was seeing and Louis knew how Zayn was when he was dating someone new - the guy was probably at his place all the time and after Zayn left for few days Louis did not want to know how loudly they could say hello to each other.

So Louis rented a room in a hotel and promised to meet Zayn’s boyfriend if they made it past the two month mark - he had known Zayn for a long time and his romances tended to be fast, intense, and quickly over with. Pretty much the only one that wasn’t was Perrie - but that had ended three years ago. 

To be fair, it wasn’t exactly Zayn’s fault. The life he lived was hard to swallow for most people. Zayn was always saying how jealous he was that Louis got someone that understood exactly what his life was about. What a fucking joke that was. If there was a God they must have had a right laugh just about now.

Louis took a long bath, taking advantage of the huge bathtub and then ordered some room service. He used to enjoy this - all the luxury, especially when he had to travel somewhere for work and all the room service came free, but now it all seemed fucking hollow. So he picked up his phone and called the only person he felt like talking to.

‘Louis!’ Harry’s cheerful voice greeted him from the other side of the line.

‘Hi Haz,’ Louis smiled, burrowing deeper in the blanket on the couch already feeling fuzzier and warmer. 

‘How is the high life, huh?’ Harry asked teasingly.

‘Um…. I took a bath. Bathtub was huge. With hydromassage.’

‘Uuuu sounds fancy’ Harry laughed.

‘It is.’ Louis nodded.

‘Hey… is everything okay?’ Harry asked, picking up on Louis’ mood. 

‘Yeah … it’s just. I used to like this shit you know? Getting fancy in a hotel, in one of those huge white fluffy bathrobes eat something weird that I would never normally eat like strawberries in chocolate or a lobster or whatever. And now it’s just reminds me of everything and it kind of makes me feel like shit.’

There was a thoughtful silence on the other end of the line and Louis started to worry that they had somehow lost connection when Harry spoke.

‘Lou.’ he said sternly. ‘You’re so full of shit,’ he added, making Louis’ eyes pop out of his head in confusion. ‘I have no idea what happened, why you left LA, why moved back to England or any of it, but I can say for sure it wasn’t because of strawberries in chocolate. So suck it up and enjoy it!’ Harry sighed, sounding done with all of this shit. ‘Lou, just because something went terribly wrong it doesn’t mean that every part of your life there was wrong. I bet you don’t regret your movies?’ Harry asked and Louis shook his head even though Harry couldn’t see him. ‘Or meeting Zayn?’ Another shake of his head. ‘And I bet strawberries and huge bathtubs ain’t that bad either.’ He laughed again. ‘So… ‘Harry concluded. ‘Be careful with what was wrong, but enjoy all the things that aren’t. And bring me some motherfucking strawberries.’ He laughed at the end, making Louis laugh as well.

‘You’re right.’ He said, his voice small. ‘You’re right,’ he sighed.

‘Of course I am. I’m always right.’ Harry giggled through the phone. 

‘Sure you are, love.’ Louis laughed fondly. ‘How is home then?’ 

They chatted for a few minutes, Louis walking up to the small balcony and smoking, looking at the city he once considered home with a feeling of nostalgia he had never thought he’d feel about this place, while Harry’s happy chatter filled his ear, making him warm even though LA was windy. 

Harry was just in the middle of another Bruce babysitting horror story - it seemed like Niall was the only uncle who could get this kid to stop crying - when there was a knock on the door.

‘Just a sec!’ Louis yelled towards the door figuring that Zayn or some studio exec probably sent him a wine bottle or dinner. ‘I have to go H,’ he said sadly. ‘Someone’s at the door.’

‘Sure Lou,’ Harry laughed happily. ‘Call me later then!’ 

‘Okay,’ he nodded moving towards the door. ‘Hey, Harry!’ He said on a whim. ‘I don’t regret anything that went down here.’

‘Oh?’ Harry asked.

‘How could I? I mean it did bring me to you,’ he said shyly. 

‘Hey Lou,’ Harry said after a bit. ‘I don’t regret it either.’ He said, a little choked up.

Louis was trying to say something more than just smiling like a loon, but he had no idea what.

‘Go!’ Harry laughed. ‘Go open the door.’ 

‘Okay, okay,’ Louis laughed, standing by the door with a hand on the handle. ‘I’ll call you later.’

‘Bye Lou!’

He ended the call with a huge smile and opened the door, ready to greet either a smiling  waiter or his best friend. But when he saw who was standing in the doorway, his blood went cold.

‘Hi Louis.’ The guy that Louis spent over a year running away from said with a defiant glint in his eye that made Louis think he wasn’t here to apologize.

‘Hello, Nicolas.’ 


	2. Chapter 2

‘Hello, Nicolas.’ Louis heard himself say even though he had no idea where the bravado came from. He didn’t even recognise the cold tone of voice that left his mouth.

‘May I?’ Nick asked with a small smirk that Louis used to find extremely tempting. Now he was just tempted to punch it off his face.

‘By all means.’ Louis said, stepping away from the door to let him inside. No matter how much Louis wanted to close the door in his face, he was curious what else Nick could want from him. He had already taken everything.

Nick went inside and looked around while Louis watched him. He looked exactly the same as the last time Louis had seen him. Maybe his clothes were a bit more fancy, but the ridiculous hair, long legs in sinful jeans and the coyness Louis once found attractive were all still there. 

He strolled leisurely through Louis’ suite and made his way to the couch. He plucked one of the strawberries from the bowl and threw himself on the couch like he owned the fucking place. Then he looked at Louis and bit the majority of the strawberry, never breaking the eye contact. The impudence of the gesture took Louis’ breath away.

‘So… ‘ Nick started. ‘You’re back.’

‘Why don’t you just fucking say your piece and get the fuck out of here.’ Louis snapped, annoyed, going to the liquor cabinet and pouring himself a drink. He was not in the mood for one of Nick’s games.

‘Oh baby, you can’t handle me sober?’ Nick smirked unkindly and Louis stomach twisted. Jesus, had he always been this person? How had Louis not seen this when they met? How did he spend over four years thinking that this person was the one he would grow old with? 

‘Talk about calling the kettle black.’ Louis grimaced back at him, seeing a twitch in Nick’s expression. They both still remembered who couldn’t handle things sober. Come to think of it, he wasn’t that good in handling them drunk either.

‘Oh, I’m all better now. Didn’t you hear?’ Nick smiled sweetly and Louis wanted to puke. ‘I have a movie coming. Golden Globes material. Some people say Oscar worthy…’

‘...and not yours.’ Louis shot him down. 

‘Now, now.’ Nick waved his hand around. ‘That will stay just between you and me, won’t it?’

‘And why would I do that?’ Louis snorted. ‘I can easily prove that it’s mine. You know that and I know that. The only reason I didn’t do it sooner was because I was too heartbroken to stay, which was a part of your plan, wasn’t it? That’s why you made sure I found out about this in the most dramatic of circumstances.’ 

‘You won’t do that.’ Nick said, ignoring the rest of Louis’ statement. ‘Because if you do it, I’ll take Zayn with me.’

‘What the fuck are you talking about?’

‘If you tell people I stole your script, I will be ruined. I’ll have nothing to lose. I will tell everyone that Zayn knew that the script wasn’t mine. Hell, a few crying interviews here and there and they will even believe he was the one that convinced me to steal it.’ Nick laughed cruelly. ‘I could say that he used me, that I fell in love with him and he made me do it, that he was jealous of you because you rejected him before. Hell, I can say whatever crazy shit I feel like, all they will hear is Zayn Malik is gay. How much do you think I could get for that exclusive?’

Louis was stunned speechless. Even after everything that had gone down between them he never thought for a second that this was what Nick turned into. The man Louis once loved. Zayn was their friend and an A list actor still in the closet. There was no doubt in Louis’ mind that vultures would pounce on the story about the gay love triangle gone wrong.

‘Get out.’ He gritted through his teeth.

‘Think about it, baby.’ Nick smiled one last time and stood up from the couch. 

He left the room without another word, and what more was there to say? The bastard knew he had won. 

* * *

‘Okay.’ James, the head of Warner Bros said with a smile after Louis’ passionate pitch.

‘Uh… okay?’ Louis stuttered out, taken aback by the reaction.

‘I saw your movies. Grimshaw passed me in favour of Sony for his Golden Globe golden egg so I’m saying okay. I’ll green light the movie with you and Zayn attached.’ James smiled politely. 

Louis just stared back at him. To be honest, Warner Bros was his and Zayn’s first choice for a studio to carry this one and Louis couldn’t believe that it was just that easy.

‘Perfect.’ Zayn grinned beside him, sprawled on the chair like only Hollywood movie stars could in huge meetings. ‘We could start a bidding war, but I think we would much rather have you handle this.’ He added nonchalantly.

‘Happy to.’ James quipped with a small smirk. ‘No Grimshaw on this one?’ He added, looking to them expectantly.

‘No.’ Louis shook his head.

‘That’s good then. I liked your solo stuff much better.’ James beamed happily and Louis couldn’t help but smile back. 

James Corden was the youngest to ever be a head of a major studio. He was a hardass in negotiations but once the deal went through, he turned into the sweetest guy ever and Louis loved working with him. 

They all shook hands and James asked for Zayn’s agent - as she was temporarily handling Louis as well - to call his people to set everything up. The deal was done. They would have to find a director, cast actors and do hundreds of other things before they could shoot the movie, but Louis didn’t have to be in LA for this. He could go home.

He smiled at the way he automatically considered England home again. How he had things and people there waiting for him. Or at least, the possibility of things waiting for him.

‘Hey Zayn, I kind of have to talk to you and Gigi.’ Louis said aiming for casual when they were sitting in the car driving back to Louis’ hotel.

‘Why?’ Zayn asked carefully, narrowing his eyes at Louis.

‘You know.. Things.. Stuff… whatnot,’ Louis smiled, throwing his hands randomly in the air, trying to distract Zayn.

‘And you call yourself a writer?’ Zayn snorted. ‘Was that even a fucking sentence?’ 

‘Fuck you.’ Louis smiled. ‘But seriously, do you have time now? We could order in. I have something I have to discuss.’ 

‘Sure…’ Zayn nodded carefully, still assessing him with the cold stare that always made Louis squirm.

‘Great!’ He beamed and took out his phone before he would break and spill the beans to Zayn alone. He had a plan and this plan needed Gigi to know about everything. She was a great agent and Zayn was one of her most important clients and he knew that she would do anything to not ruin his career. In contrary to Zayn who would probably go to war with Grimshaw for Louis’ honour, not giving a shit about destroying his own life. Louis couldn’t have that. He’d been a shit friend in the past, but those days were behind him. Nick could take all the fucking awards and all the words Louis ever wrote but Louis would not let him hurt someone he cared about like he had hurt Louis. 

‘Gig.’ He stated to the speaker when he heard Gigi’s low hello on the other side. ‘I need you to come by my hotel room. I have something very important to talk to you and Zayn about.’

He ignored all of her quips about how he was definitely trying to get her to bed if he was asking her to the hotel room and just rolled his eyes fondly. After she agreed to meet him and Zayn there, both of them hung up. 

They drove up to the hotel and moved through the lobby, earning some glances here and there. Louis had almost forgotten what it was like to walk through the room with Zayn Malik on your arm. Gigi arrived almost at the same time as their dinner in a flare of blonde hair and high fashion clothing and she threw herself on the armchair, her long legs flying in the air over the armrest, as she extended her hand towards Zayn who knew her well enough to place in her small palm a glass of whiskey before she finally settled and looked questiongly towards Louis. 

‘What’s this meeting all about sugar?’ 

‘Well I wanted you here cause I think you should know about this even though it won’t be a problem cause I’m like definitely letting this go. But like still, I figured you deserve to know, and you know Zayn... and he’s like... but like you know him right? He would probably do something stupid and heroic because that’s the kind of person he is and he’s like this guy that will fly across the world to be with you even if your ungrateful ass doesn’t deserve that in the slightest but…’ he said his fingers twisting nervously before Gigi interrupted him.

‘Love. Do you have a point?’

‘Um.. yes.’ He said looking up at Zayn who was looking like he tried to piece something together but couldn’t quite put his finger on it. ‘Soooo…. You know Zayn’s last movie with Nick?’ Gigi nodded and Zayn started to make ‘abort’ gestures on the couch. ‘Well it’s plagiarised.’ He admitted, biting his bottom lip as Gigi stood up from her chair, her drink almost falling out of her hand.

‘WHAT.’ She shrieked.

‘Well not exactly plagiarised.' He said and saw Gigi's face turn hopeful 'Plagiarised implies some level of creativity you put into making it seem like it’s yours... The script is just stolen. Word for word. After Zayn showed me what he worked with I’m pretty sure that the only thing Nick changed was my name on the front page.’ He said, some of the bitterness shining through his words. 

‘Fuck.’ Gigi stood up running her hand over her face. ‘Okay, okay.’ She said, walking towards the window and back again. ‘We can get in front of that. We can be the first to break the story. Spread some rumours about the on-set tension then have Zayn walking, if this shit is stolen he needs to be off this fucking thing either way.’ She started to mumble under her breath in full manager mode. 

‘Gigi, no one is going to know.’ Louis soothed.

‘What do you mean no one is going to know?’ Zayn asked. ‘You are suing him, right?’ 

‘Well… no.’ 

‘Hold on!’ Gigi said looking between the two of them. ‘You knew?!’ She asked looking to Zayn.

‘I figured it out only like two months ago. And I wasn’t sure! Not until I finally found this asshole and he confirmed it.’

‘And you didn’t tell me?!’ Gigi asked threateningly.

‘You would have want me to keep quiet!’

‘Of course I would, are you insane! This could fucking ruin you!’

‘Well I’m not gonna let him steal from my best friend, Gigi! That’s not fucking happening!’ Zayn yelled fuming. 

‘Enough!’ Louis’ voice boomed through the room. ‘That’s not all. Nick came to me the first day I was in LA and told me that if I ever try to prove that the script is mine he is going to, and that’s a quote ‘take Zayn with him’’ He grimaced at those words and felt himself blushing. ‘He… He threatened to out you.’ 

‘How the fuck does me sucking dick occasionally have anything to do with him being a fucking thief?’ Zayn snarled angrily.

‘He said that he would make up like this story about how I rejected you when we were younger and that you were so mad at me that you seduced him and made him steal the script.’ Louis admitted almost tasting a disgust in his mouth.

‘But that’s ridiculous! That’s like a plot of a Brazilian novel, not real fucking life!’ Zayn countered.

‘Read the fucking papers, Malik.’ Gigi shook her head. ‘It’s just crazy enough to work.’ She sighed, putting her head in her hands. 

‘So what? We do nothing and just let him get away with this?!’ Zayn asked disbelievingly.

‘Yes.’ Louis said looking to Zayn sternly. ‘I don’t care about that script Z. It ruined everything. He can fucking have it. I care about you! Let’s just put a huge fat line over this whole mess and forget about him, he doesn’t matter. Please, I do not want to build my comeback on your back.’ Louis pleaded. 

‘The script didn’t ruin anything.’ Gigi sad cutting Zayn off. ‘Lou, Zayn is right.’ She said with a deep breath. ‘But he is right too!’ She added looking to Zayn and pointing towards Louis. ‘The script didn’t ruin anything, Nick did. The script, Lou? The script is fucking brilliant and we can’t just leave it be. Zayn is my client, yes, but now you are too. And I can’t let you bury this. What I am asking from both of you is to give me time to figure this out. I will get you both out of this squeaky clean, so help me god.’

‘Gigi, this is pointless. One bad move and he will end up Hollywood pariah.’ Louis said, irritated.

‘Well then it’s a good thing I don’t do bad moves, now isn’t it?’ Gigi snapped. ‘Two weeks, that’s all I’m asking. Then you can kill each other over how to handle this, deal?’

‘Deal.’ Zayn agreed happily seeing as Gigi pretty much done exactly what he wanted and Louis wanted to argue. He did, but he had asked Gigi here because he trusted her to know what would be the best for Zayn and waiting two weeks, well it entailed not telling anyone so even if he didn’t convince them, he did buy himself some time to do so. 

‘Deal.’ He sighed and fell backwards on the couch. Hollywood was fucking exhausting.

* * *

The flowers in the vase he had never used were fresh and his fridge was definitely stocked by someone who wasn’t him. His laundry was done and he was pretty sure that when he left with Zayn in admittedly a hurry he didn’t have time to make his bed.

All of his house screamed ‘Harry’ and Louis couldn’t help the bubbly happy feeling taking residence deep in his stomach at the thought of that. He set his suitcase on the bench in the foot of his bed and took out his cellphone.

_ Did you bring flowers to my house? _

He sent a text to Harry and stood still staring at his phone waiting for a reply. He didn’t even move a muscle in anticipation before his cell binged with an answer.

**ARE YOU BACK!?!?!?!?!?**

Louis snorted loudly. Harry was so expressive. Even over the text Louis could see his bright green eyes shining with excitement and his blush like he new Louis would tease him for it yet still couldn’t contain himself.

_ Just got in, yeah. They’re lovely. _

He clicked send and then added one more thing after a second of hesitation.

_ Almost as lovely as you. _

His heart was beating loudly out of his chest waiting for Harry to reply, thinking that maybe he’d gone too far and maybe Harry didn’t appreciate his comments, or maybe dear lord, he thought of Louis in platonic terms only.

It took Harry almost fifteen minutes to reply but when he did it was short.

**Can I see you?**

Louis bit around his disappointment when the second text came through.

**I missed your smell.**

He smiled so hard that he was afraid for a second that his mouth would break in half. He texted back quickly asking Harry if maybe today they could all go out. A part of him wanted to be selfish and just see Harry but he was away for almost two weeks and he didn’t even have time to say goodbye to anyone in person other than Harry, and hurried phone calls on the airport to Liam and Niall were not enough to not make him feel like he was acting, again, like the shittiest of all friends, so he couldn’t in good conscious cut them off.

So he called Liam, who was happy that Louis got back, weaseled out of him a short version of how all the meeting went and how everything with Nick went down and after huge portion of outrage over Nick’s behaviour he opted out of the meeting because Sophia was gone for a work trip and he had to stay with Bruce. Niall, when Louis called him almost maimed him over the phone due to the fact that this week it was his turn taking night shifts and he was currently sleeping, and later he had to go to the hospital for another one so his answer to the meeting was a no also.

That left just Harry.

Harry who just texted back that he was completely free tonight and couldn’t wait to see Louis again.

Louis sat on his bed and took out his laptop from his travelling bag. He turned it on and while he waited for the system to start he was tapping his phone lightly on his chin, deep in thought.

He opened Google Chrome and typed the name of the restaurant he used to frequent when he was still living in London, looking for a phone number. He looked over the reviews, especially some new ones, as it was few years since he’s been there and called the number to reserve the table. Fortunately it wasn’t a place fancy enough to be booked solid and he made sure to let them know that he offered a big tip if they give him a private table, booth ideally at the back of the restaurant. 

After that he called Harry, his hands sweating with nerves.

‘Lou?’ Harry’s voice answered a phone.

‘Hi love.’ Louis sighed, all of his body winding down at the sound of Harry’s voice. ‘I called the boys but Liam has to stay with Bruce and Niall has a night shift today at the ER, so it’s just the two of us.’

‘Oh… I mean if you rather wait for the boys…’ Harry started before Louis interrupted him.

‘No! No!’ He shook his head. ‘I was just thinking… I know we were suppose to go out for a beer but actually… I would much rather take you to dinner. If that is something that you would be interested in. With me.’ He said and in that split second it took for Harry to answer Louis could swear his heart stopped beating in anticipation.

‘Oh!’ Harry said like he was actually taken by surprise by this. ‘Yes Lou, that would be … um…. That would be great. I.. I mean I would like that. A lot.’

‘Great.’ Louis smiled. ‘I’ll pick you up at … 7 pm? Is that okay?’

‘That’s perfect.’ Harry said and Louis could hear him smiling.

‘See you then love.’

‘See you Lou.’

Louis disconnected the call and put his phone next to his laptop on his bed before literally jumping in the air and squealing, giving himself those three seconds to act completely insane over the fact that a guy agreed on a date. Louis knew dating. He’d done dating, even before Grimshaw he’d done a lot of dating, but he couldn’t remember first date jitters being quite this nice and heartwarming.

He spent almost an hour in his shower thinking about what to wear, whether to bring flowers and whether he should plan something more than just dinner or if that would be too presumptuous.

He didn’t have to wait long. Soon it was already 5 pm and considering he decided on picking up some flowers, he had to get going. He checked his hair in the mirror for the third time right next to his door and he sniffed his armpits even though he just showered. He was sweaty and nervous and he was afraid he would ruin the suave look he was going for with his all black combo of a casual suit and a dress shirt. 

He picked up some flowers and with ten minutes to spare he was parking in front of Harry’s building. He rang the doorbell and Harry buzzed him in he took the elevator to the fourth floor, where Harry’s new apartment was located, afraid of getting out of breath, which proved to be futile when Harry opened the door consequently taking his breath away. 

Louis gave him the flowers and Harry blushed sweetly when taking them and he sniffed them softly like all girls in romantic comedies always do, which Louis as a professional filmmaker always deemed too cliche to actually be a thing, but somehow now found himself not minding it in the slightest. They went out of the apartment building after Harry put the flowers in water and Louis kept his hand softly on the small of Harry’s back, the heat radiating from Harry’s body enough to make him dizzy. Harry’s hair was getting longer these days, way longer than how it was when they met, or rather when Louis first saw him, and now he could put it in a bun on the top of his head, even though few strands were falling out clinging to the milky skin of his neck seductively. Louis had never seen anything sexier than that. 

Finally they were seated in the restaurant and Harry was looking around appreciatively.

‘This is nice.’ He smiled, leaning on his elbows a bit into Louis’ space, candlelight dancing on his face. God, Louis wanted to write poems about him. Romantic poems. And erotica.

‘It was my favourite restaurant when I lived in London.’ Louis said.

‘Before you moved to LA.’ Harry stated, prompting a conversation that was long overdue between them.

‘My second book…. Some hot shot Hollywood director read it and wanted to buy the rights to it. I never actually thought about moving to LA before, nor being a screenwriter to be honest, but when the opportunity presented itself.’ Louis shrugged.

‘God, that sounds so fucking exciting!’ Harry beamed. ‘Did you ever go to the Oscars?’ he questioned.

‘Nah,’ Louis giggled. ‘I wasn’t that famous.’ He added rolling his eyes. ‘Other than people that are actually nominated, they invite someone who can bring even more publicity not a person that people usually know just by their name.’

‘Oh come on! It must have been glamorous! At least some of it and you talk like it was nothing at all.’ Harry raised his brow disapprovingly.

Before Louis had time to answer, the waitress came over to ask for their order, and when she went away promising to get their drinks first, Louis continued.

‘You always call me out on my shit.’ He shook his head fondly.

‘Someone has to, Mr. Dramatic’  Harry rolled his eyes fondly.

‘I’m a writer, what did you expect?’ Louis teased.

‘Glam? Blitz? Money and fame?’ Harry deadpanned making Louis laugh out loud unabashedly.

‘Well as Great Gatsby taught us, one doesn’t exclude the other’ 

‘Fancying yourself Leo DiCaprio?’ Harry smirked.

‘I’m friends with Leo actually.’ Louis mused and delighted for a second in the shocked expression on Harry’s face before he couldn’t hold it any longer and started to laugh uncontrollably.

‘You ass.’ Harry mumbled.

The dinner was great, Louis switched halfway through the meal to wine on Harry’s insistence that they can just take an uber later. The booth they were sitting in gave them as much privacy as you could expect in a crowded restaurant or at least the illusion of it. Louis was drinking wine and Harry in and he felt like he could walk on water.

‘I can’t believe you actually met Chris Evans.’ Harry pouted, leaning against Louis since in duration of dinner they migrated towards each other and now were sitting with their sides pressed closely together, a half empty bottle of wine on the table and two plates with untouched dessert on them. 

‘It wasn’t all bad.’ Louis said suddenly more serious. ‘I know that the way I always refused to talk about it, and how I hid it might seem like it was hell. But that’s not true. I mean… last two years were… tough. But other than that there were some good times.’

‘And yet here you are. Not in LA.’ Harry noted.

‘Well.. I came here because I was running away. But that’s not why I stayed.’ 

‘And why did you stay?’ Harry asked, his voice low and hoarse.

‘You know why.’ Louis replied after a bit, looking into Harry’s eyes seriously waiting for any indication that what he was about to do was okay. 

He could almost see when Harry understood his words as his eyes widened a bit and his mouth opened. His bottom lip shining, letting out a small puff of breath. His eyes flickered from Louis’ eyes to his mouth and that’s all Louis needed to lean in close and slot their lips together, kissing him slowly but thoroughly. He had waited months to taste those lips and he would not be rushed.

‘You stayed because of me?’ Harry murmured, a bit out of breath when they moved away only by half an inch.

‘No. I stayed  _ thanks  _ to you.’ 

* * *

‘Why were you running away?’ Harry asked finally when they were walking through the bridge to get to the Southbank. His hand was warm in Louis’ embrace and Louis was not able to fight an urge to kiss his knuckles, just as he did the second they left the restaurant.

‘A very, very bad break up.’ Louis shook his head. ‘It’s a long story.’

‘Oh...’ Harry said and even though Louis still felt his hand in his own he could feel him pulling away after what he thought was a cop out on Louis’ part.

‘Not like that!’ Louis protested quickly, pulling Harry in with his hand. ‘I just wanted you to prepare because it really is a long story.’ He smiled tiredly.

‘We have all night.’ Harry smiled.

‘Not how I would want to spend a night with you.’ Louis murmured under his breath, earning a giggle and a playful swat on the arm from Harry.

‘Maybe later.’ Harry winked, making Louis’ stomach drop and let out a swarm of butterflies.

‘Whatever you want love,’ Louis kissed his hand again and after a deep breath he started to talk.

* * *

_ ‘This is fucking brilliant.’ Louis whispered to Zayn who was sitting next to him, bored out of his fucking mind. _

_ Zayn just rolled his eyes and continued to chug his beer while looking around the bar. The fact that no one had recognised Zayn yet was a fucking miracle but again stripped down of the excessive make up and fancy hair styles he had in the movie that brought both of them their big break, Zayn looked nothing like the new It actor of the moment. Louis just threw him one quick outraged look before bringing his eyes back to the stage. _

_ They were in some dingy pub in LA and there was an open mic night. People were mostly singing, some doing comedy and then this one guy went up on stage. He looked nervous, a little uncomfortable with how tall he was as he was hunching over. He wore very tight jeans and a cardigan and if not for a trace of stubble Louis would swear that he was a highschool kid.  _

_ ‘Hi,’ he said to the microphone with a nervous laugh and Louis found himself smiling fondly. ‘I’m gonna read you some poems.’ And that was just so outrageously pure and sweet that Louis couldn’t help the excited whoop that left his mouth. The guy looked up towards him like he was trying to make out a person who made that sound in order to determine whether they were making fun of him or not. _

_ After the first poem Louis was fucking smitten. He did not expect anything like that out of a randomly stumbled upon open mic night. _

_ And then the guy bit his lip and started again. _

_ ‘This one… ‘ he cleared his throat gently. ‘Obviously all work is personal.’ He rolled his eyes at himself and Louis giggled at that. ‘But this one is truly one of the most important pieces for me so please do not throw beer bottles, thanks.’ He smiled once again nervously and with shaky hands he brought out a crumpled paper from his pocket. _

_ ‘ _ Me and him?

We get by, you know?

Even if we limp our way to the finish line.

And I got attached to him… God knows why,

Because sometimes I swear, I think he’s weighing me down.

So I chop what he left me with like an infected limb.

Hair- gone.

Tooth- out.

Until I don’t look like him anymore.

And I like that.

Cause this new one?

He gets shit done.

And even when he doesn’t have time to dream…

At least he’s not dying inside

 

...Right?

 

Or.

Or maybe he is.

He just got another weapon and pointed it to his head.

He adapted yet another persona for you to never be able to tell.

He’s new and shiny, but just as fucked up inside.

He still fires the gun in a futile hope,

That somehow bullets can be outrun.

_ He smiled tightly and basically run off the stage and Louis was the only person that was clapping earnestly. Most people were talking and laughing, some music playing in the background but Louis for the life of him couldn’t tell what it was. He trailed his eyes after the guy and saw him sneaking out of the pub. He took a huge gulp of his beer snatched a pack of his smokes and ignored whatever Zayn was saying to him, afraid that the guy would disappear. _

_ He pushed the heavy door and gulped in the huge gulp of fresh air.  _

_ He looked around and saw the guy few meters away from the door walking back and forth sucking on the cigarette violently barely even inhaling any smoke past his mouth. He seemed like he was talking to himself. _

_ Louis walked a bit closer and leaned over the lampost tilting his head to the side and watching the guy fondly. He really was fucking cute. And now that Louis saw him up close he realised that he was way older than highschooler. Probably Louis’ age. Maybe even older. It must have been the nervousness that made him seem so much younger. Louis took out his own cigarette and it seemed like a soft click of a lighter alerted the guy to someone else’s presence.  _

_ He froze looking like a fish taken out of the water until Louis took pity on him, and spoke up right after taking a deep drag of his cigarette. _

_ ‘I was the whooper.’ Louis admitted, smoke escaping his mouth. _

_ ‘You didn’t have to come here just to make fun of me.’ The guy said defiantly, lifting his chin. ‘I’m a grown ass man and I left highschool way behind me, so fuck off.’ He snarled and Louis burst out laughing, delighted. _

_ ‘I wasn’t going to make fun of you!’ He protested. ‘I wanted to let you know that it was beautiful.’ _

_ ‘Oh.’ The guy lit up, beaming at Louis. ‘Really?’ _

_ ‘Yes really.’ Louis smiled. ‘It was … pure. In a stripped bare kind of way, but still it had this playful edge to it.’ Louis said waving his hands around. ‘I mean if you want a full review you have to give me some time to gather my thoughts.’ He teased. _

_ ‘How does… ‘ The guy started looking at his watch. ‘How does exactly 24 hours sound?’ he added one side of his mouth pulling up. _

_ ‘Excuse me?’ Louis asked with furrowed eyebrows. _

_ ‘I’m Nick.’ The guy said thrusting his hand up at Louis. ‘How would you feel about giving me that review tomorrow around 8 pm? Over dinner, perhaps?’  _

_ ‘Louis,’ he smirked, looking up at Nick through his eyelashes. ‘I believe I would feel pretty good about that.’ _

* * *

'And that’s how me met.’ Louis shrugged when he and Harry were sitting on the bench near the river, when Louis spilled his guts about him and Nick and Harry listened intently not offering any comments yet.

‘When was that?’ Harry asked. His tone was flat, like he specifically tried to keep it that way to avoid the suspicion of him passing judgement.

‘Over five years ago.’ Louis said and Harry whistled, impressed. ‘It went fast between us. After that first dinner we went back to his place and then I woke up to him writing. Sitting on his window sill smoking a cigarette and scribbling on the piece of paper. Looking at me.’ Louis shook his head. ‘He was a pretentious twat then but then again so was I. He got me. As an artist - he understood me perfectly. And in hindsight I admit we didn’t have that much in common beside that.’

‘So what happened after that?’ Harry urged him to speak delicately.

‘We jumped right to it. I mean, our first script? We wrote it before we even knew what we were doing. That was all we ever talked about, bouncing ideas of off each other, improvising fucking dialogues together. I was just after my first big movie. I’d done some other things before, been to some small festivals but that was my first big studio production. And when I met Nick it was just done. I was looking for what would be next and I found that in Nick. We wrote the first script together - it got picked up. And then another one, and one more after that. He made me feel like I was invincible, like we were invincible.’ Louis whispered with a wistful look on his face.

All the talk about it it made him really think about everything that happened. With Zayn, he just had to fill him in on some things that he missed, but most of them Zayn was there for. Two out of three movies Louis and Nick did had starred Zayn - he was there for everything and Louis didn’t need to go as far as the beginning. And now that he did he actually started to make sense of the whole thing.

‘We were on top of the world for the longest time. The pilot we wrote for a mini-series got picked up by Netflix and we were fucking amazing. But…’ Louis said stopping for a second to collect his words. ‘That was the only reason we were amazing. Because the work was. But we didn’t consider that as work. It was who we were. We were living and breathing it, and that was the thing I always admired so much about him, that was the reason I fell in love with him I guess. But... life has to be about something else than just that. Maybe not life in general, but mine… mine has to. I get that now. Work was all we had between us, so it was natural that when that started to go to hell so did our relationship …’

* * *

_ ‘Nick.’ Louis gritted out through his teeth. There was no answer. ‘Nick!’ He yelled tugging on his boyfriend’s arm, making him groan and turn away on the couch his back to Louis. _

_ Louis stepped back at the smell of alcohol that lingered around Nick and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to calm himself. He threaded his fingers through Nick’s hair once, but his boyfriend didn’t stir. He swallowed heavily and looked around their house.  _

_ It was all chrome and glass. Not Louis’ usual style, but Nick had insisted. He had such a great time with decorating the house when they bought it two years back. He was dragging Louis to every furniture store in  the tri state area, but it would be a lie to say that Louis didn’t enjoy it. Nick was so happy then. He spent two months picking up the very rug Louis was standing on. The same one that was covered with bottles now, some alcohol spilled from where Nick probably passed out with a bottle still in his hand. _

_ Louis methodically moved to the kitchen and grabbed a trash bag. He put all of the bottles in it trying to be as quiet as he could, wary of a man sleeping. Then he went to the bathroom to look for something to clean the rug with. He scrubbed it until he couldn’t smell alcohol anymore. He threw the trash out and took a blanket to put it over Nick. He tucked him in his eyebrows furrowed. He wanted to kiss his forehead, but he knew that if he leaned close enough he would feel alcohol on his breath and he didn’t want to. He knew the reality of the situation and he knew that supporting him and hoping that he’d get himself together enough to look for help was proving itself to not be working. He knew that soon he’d need to try something else, but he didn’t want to think about that just for a second. At least he was here with Louis and not god knows where with god knows who doing god knows what. He was here and he was safe and laying like that, Louis could almost pretend that he just had a tough day at work and was just taking a nap. _

_ He filled a tall glass with water and put it with some painkillers on the table next to the couch where it would be easily accessible when Nick would wake up. _

_ He moved then to the kitchen where he could still see Nick and took out his laptop. He had just gotten back from the studio, they had a deadline for the next episode in few days and Louis had to get his head straight and finish it. Getting reprimanded by studio execs would do nothing for Nick who was anxious about not being able to write enough as it was.  _

_ He typed his name and then after a second of hesitation, Nick’s name underneath it. Even though he knew Nick would, yet again, not contribute a word. They wrote a pilot together, but over the course of next few episodes it became clear that Nick had writer’s block. And Louis had tried to cover for him the best he could. _

_ He got pulled into the universe he and Nick created and he didn’t realise how much time had passed when he heard a loud shatter and an accompanied groan and his head snapped up to see what happened. _

_ ‘Shit.’ Nick croaked out and Louis could see the glass that he put on the table for Nick’s hangover smashed on the floor. _

_ ‘I’ll get it love,’ he said softly and stood up to pick up a broom.  _

_ ‘I’m not fucking five.’ Nick snapped and Louis’ hands tightened on the broom. _

_ He said nothing, only moved towards the sink and filled another glass with water and handed it to Nick. _

_ ‘I know,’ he agreed flatly.  _

_ Nick just glared at him. He was always a pissy drunk. He was worse hungover.  _

_ ‘You can’t fucking fix everything, you know that right?’ He asked looking at Louis over the brim of his glass when Louis was crouching down to pick up the glass. He was only glad he didn’t have to pick up shattered glass from the rug.  _

_ ‘I’m not trying to fix everything. I just don’t want you to get glass in your foot.’ He said and wanted so much to just leap on the couch and hold him and tell him that he was here for him, that he wasn’t leaving no matter how much Nick tried to push him away. But he did none of that because he got that mood Nick was in now. The more understanding Louis tried to be the more pissed Nick got, saying things that Louis had to remind himself over and over again were just drunk talk, and that it hurt because it was aimed specifically to hurt not because they were true or because Nick truly thought that way. _

_ ‘Such a good little housewife you are,. Lou’ Nick cooed mockingly. ‘You missed a spot,’ he snarled standing up and stumbling nearly toppling to the ground before Louis caught him by his waist. _

_ ‘Come on, let’s get you to the shower.’ Louis said and tried to haul his boyfriend upstairs to the bathroom. _

_ ‘Oh fuck off!’ Nick yelled pushing Louis away. ‘I don’t need you to cover for me or save me! You’re so fucking perfect aren’t you? Fucking boy scout.’  _

_ ‘Babe, just come take a bath.’ Louis said softly, trying to block out whatever Nick was saying seeing as even after the nap his words were slightly slurred. _

_ ‘Don’t fucking baby me, you’re not my fucking father! Or do you don’t know what fathers do cause yours couldn’t give two shits about you and split before you were even born?’ Nick snarled angrily, and stumbled down the hallway towards the stairs. _

_ This time Louis didn’t stop him. _

* * *

‘We should get somewhere inside.’ Louis said suddenly when he finished that chunk of the story and Harry hadn’t spoken for a few minutes.

‘I’m so sorry.’ Harry sighed and threw his arms around Louis’ neck, hugging him close. ‘I’m so sorry baby,’ He was murmuring over and over again into Louis’ hair and Louis found himself trying to contain the tears that welled in his eyes. Jesus, he hadn’t cried about this for months now, why the fuck would he start again now?

‘It’s fine.’ He said curtly, making Harry kiss the side of his face and then his forehead and then his mouth.

‘It wasn’t.’ Harry shook his head. ‘It wasn’t and I’m so sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry for both of you.’ 

‘How are you so lovely, huh?’ Louis felt himself smiling, looking up at Harry and touching his cheek softly. It took Louis over a year to feel bad for Nick too. To recognise that a lot of the things he’d done were due to his addiction not his character, and here Harry was saying it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Harry just shook his head, sniffing a bit, his nose a little bit red at the tip.

‘You’re right about somewhere inside. I don’t think anything beside clubs will be open though. You want to walk to my place? We’re not that far.’

Louis agreed easily and after few minutes there were walking down the road with hands linked and stuffed into Louis’ pocket for warmth.

‘Did he get help?’ Harry asked then, his eyes full of worry.

‘No.’ Louis shook his head. ‘I was close to calling an intervention or even fucking admitting him involuntarily. But I kept on hoping that it was just this project that was making him like this. Over 20 episodes all of them written by me, with both of our names on it. I thought I was helping him. And then it seemed like I actually was.’ Louis smiled bitterly at the memory and shook his head at how naive he was back then. ‘The closer we got to the end the better he seemed. He was my Nick again. He stopped drinking, or at least I thought so. He was smiling again. I even saw him scribbling something here and there, but he didn’t mention it afraid that I would scare him off. So… I convinced myself that it really was that fucking project. That now that it was over he was going to be himself again, that we are going to find something new for ourselves and get back on track. That it was just a rough patch.’

‘I take it, it wasn’t?’ Harry asked tentatively.

‘No.’

* * *

_ Louis was drunk. _

_ Drrrrrrrr-unk. _

_ Dr-uuuuuuuunk. _

_ Drunk. Drunk. Drunk. _

_ He loved life.  _

_ ‘Z!’ He yelled excited, seeing his best friend chatting up a bartender. Louis rolled his eyes. His best friend was not subtle at all. ‘Stop trying to get laid and attend to me!’ He added then making people around him give him a curious glance. _

_ ‘Well are  _ you  _ gonna attend to me later?’ Zayn looked up at him smirking his hand still trailing over bartenders forearm. The guy looked like he would orgasm in about a minute if Zayn kept it up. _

_ ‘You know I can’t baby. My man would get jealous.’ Louis giggled. ‘Where is Nick?’ He gasped suddenly remembering that he hadn’t seen his man for a few hours already. _

_ Without waiting for Zayn to respond, he moved through the room looking around trying to spot the unnatural high quiff of his partner when Marshall, the head of Sony snatched him by the elbow. _

_ ‘Louis!’ he greeted sounding elated and Louis stifled a giggle. Marshall was always over the top, Louis liked that about him. _

_ ‘When are you gonna write me something, huh?’ He asked, winking at Louis and handing him a flute of champagne. ‘That script Nick sold us!’ He gushed. ‘Amazing. Did you read it?’ He asked and before Louis could as much as furrow his eyebrows in confusion, Marshall spoke again. ‘Of course you read it.’ He waved his hand around. ‘You two lovebirds!’ He teased. ‘Nick actually told me that the character of Tommy is in a way based on you. That’s so lovely of him. You two are an inspiration. I really think this script can be something incredible for him. I mean I never thought that a script where the main character discovers himself through time traveling to places where the major philosophy movements were born could be that interesting.’ _

_ Louis’ blood went cold. _

_ ‘Excuse me?’ He choked out, suddenly feeling very sober.  _

_ ‘He told me he wants to cast Zayn. I feel that’s a great move. Zayn is super hot now.’ Marshall kept on rambling, but Louis’ heart was hammering in his chest enough to drown out anything Marshall was saying. _

_ ‘Yes, of course.’ Louis mumbled. ‘If you’ll excuse me,’ he added hurriedly and moved away from Marshall looking around for Nick, his hands shaking, his stomach tight in knots. He felt like he was going to throw up.  _

_ He stumbled outside, taking huge gulps of breath and he was thankful that he was sober enough to use the back exit as the front was probably littered with photographers. He spotted a cab waiting at the curb and he stumbled inside rattling off their address and hiding his face in his hands, his heart beating out of his chest his mind running in circles. Thinking about how much better Nick seemed. How Louis wasn’t even asking about what they would do next cause he didn’t want to make Nick uncomfortable and how unconcerned Nick seemed. Louis thought that maybe he was just bouncing back trying to stay optimistic, but maybe that was just because he already knew what he was doing next... _

_ Louis paid the cab driver in a hurry and ran up the pavement to their house unlocking the door and without even turning the light on, ran upstairs and stormed into Nick’s office. He pushed away the chair and leaning down he hurriedly opened his laptop and typed in the wrong password four times until he finally got it right. He opened his email and scrolled through them, there were tons and he couldn’t find anything so he typed in Marshall’s name and hit enter. _

_ There was dozens of emails. Louis’ hands started to shake and he clicked on the oldest one reading ‘ _ Marshall, like we talked about I’m sending you the script you were interested in. I can send a paper copy tomorrow morning.’  _  He clicked on the attachment and the word doc opened, making Louis slide to his knees on a choked out sob. _

_ He knew that script. _

_ He knew that script because it was his. _

_ He had written it a few months ago, and was afraid to bring it up to Nick, scared that it would ruin their relationship if he started to branch out on his own when Nick was in such a sensitive place with his own work. _

_ That was how Nick found him some time later. Manically reading through the entire thing he poured his heart and soul into, tears streaming down his face, stunned into silence at how outrageously shameless this was. There were dozen of emails based on Louis’ script that Nick didn’t change the word of. Just slapped his name on the front page. Louis wondered if he pressed ctrl + z, his name would appear in its place.   _

_ ‘Marshall told me he saw you leave.’ Nick said coldly when Louis looked up at him. _

_ He was looking at him with pleading expression on his face, begging for any kind of explanation even if he knew there was none. _

_ ‘Don’t fucking look at me like that. Like you weren’t going to the the same exact thing and leave me behind.’ Nick snarled, coming to stand next to Louis and closing the laptop loudly, barely missing Louis’ fingers. _

_ Louis was still on his knees with Nick now towering over him and the position made him sick to his stomach. The same position that he once found arousing now was twisted into something disgusting simply because when he looked up, Nick wasn’t looking down at him lovingly, his eyes were empty. _

_ ‘I wasn’t.’ Louis managed to choke out. _

_ ‘Then you weren’t.’ Nick shrugged. ‘Well I did’  _

_ There must have been something on Louis’ face that made Nick think he wanted more of an explanation because he shrugged and kept going.  _

_ ‘You’ve been putting my name on your stuff for months now. Stop pretending like this is a big deal.’ He said and walked out of the room. _

_ It took Louis a few minutes to compose himself and stand up without his knees giving out under him. But when he did, he ran. _

_ And he didn’t stop until he was in England.  _

* * *

When he finished telling Harry everything it was nearly morning. When they got to Harry’s apartment he had made them tea and then they sat on the couch under tons of blankets and Harry listened. He didn’t interrupt other than few ‘Oh love’s and sympathetic arm squeezes.

He told Harry about seeing Nick back in LA, told him about his threats and how he had no idea what was going to happen now but how he just wanted this to be done.

‘Lou,’ Harry sighed when they were lying on the couch with Harry’s arms around his shoulders and Louis trying to literally bury himself in Harry’s neck. ‘You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, you know that right?’

‘Zayn wants me to take back the script…’ Louis mumbled.

‘Well this didn’t happen to Zayn. It happened to you. You don’t have to do anything just because you think you  _ should. _ ’

‘I want it back.’ Louis sighed like he hated to admit it. ‘I just wish there was a way to do it without a media circus.’ 

‘Lou you disappeared for over a year and a half and now you’re back and no one knew where you were or why you left. I think there will be some media circus either way.’ 

‘Yeah but not as much. General audience don’t care. There will be few articles here and there but nothing major. But if it will come out that this script was plagiarized, with a director of that caliber, and a cast of A-listers only. It will be all over the news. Add a fucking gay factor to it and media will eat us alive.’ Louis groaned. 

‘I know baby,’ Harry sighed and tightened his hold on Louis’ waist. ‘The thing is… you don’t have to make a decision today. You said that Gigi said that she would think of something. I know you only think that involves taking Zayn out of the equation but maybe she will actually pull through for you too. I mean if she only cared about Zayn she would just agree with you and made sure that you kept quiet.’

‘Or maybe she was just appeasing Zayn.’ Louis contradicted.

‘Maybe she was love, but still that doesn’t change anything - you promised her two weeks so give her that. And in the meantime. You just got back there. Put this aside for a second and take in the fact that you just sold rights to your script to  _ Warner Bros.  _ Warner Bros Lou!’ Harry exclaimed with a huge smile, and Louis couldn’t help but smile back, Harry’s enthusiasm catching. 

‘Yeah I mean that’s pretty cool.’ Louis allowed, looking up at Harry and resting his chin on his hand propped over Harry’s chest.

‘Pretty cool? That’s incredible. You’re so talented Lou!’ 

‘Oh shut up, you haven’t even seen my movies.’ Louis snorted.

‘You don’t know that! I may not  _ know  _ that they were your movies because you didn’t let me google you but I’ve seen pretty much everything Zayn was in and I loved it.’

‘You can google me now.’ Louis allowed with a giggle. ‘I… I wouldn’t mind you watching my movies.’ He added a little self consciously.

‘I want to watch them. I want to read your books, Lou. I want to give you my silly opinions on them even though I know shit about writing. I… I want a terrifying amount of things with you.’ Harry admitted fiercely. And there it was again, that ease that Harry had with expressing his feelings that Louis admired so much.

‘That’s good.’ Louis nodded. ‘I’m pretty sure I would let you do whatever you want with me’ 

‘You would, wouldn’t you?’ Harry teased his eyes shining happily and his hands roaming over Louis’ back. ‘You’re mine to boss around huh?’ 

‘Yeah,’ Louis nodded nosing along Harry’s jaw. ‘I’m yours.’

* * *

‘So Gigi called.’ Louis stated about two weeks later when he and Harry were coming back to Harry’s place after dinner and a movie. These days Louis was always at Harry’s place. When they would go out with boys he would crash at Harry’s, after a date he would crash at Harry’s it was just easier that way than drive all the way north to his house. It didn’t hurt either that he and Harry were in that honeymoon phase where they were not able to keep their hands off each other earning handful of eyerolls from Liam and wiggled eyebrows from Niall. The second one, come to think of it was starting to creep Louis out. Niall was so into their relationship that it seemed like he wanted to be in their relationship.

‘Oh? She figured it out?’ Harry asked excitedly.

‘I have no idea’ Louis groaned. ‘She just said that it’s done. That she put things in motion and that I will get my movie back and Zayn wouldn’t get hurt but I shouldn't be asking questions and that terrifies me to boot.’ Louis said, his frightened tone making Harry laugh.

‘To be honest, love, she does scare me a little bit. And I only talked to her briefly over Skype.’ 

‘Well how would you feel about actually meeting her then?’ Louis asked patting himself on the back at how smooth he was. ‘And Zayn also?’

‘I reckon I would feel great about that…?’ Harry asked, him not being sure where Louis was going with this, making his statement seem like a question.

‘My new movie is in pre-production, so Gigi thought it would be good idea for me to be seen again. She has some movie premiere she wants me to go to. It’s for Warner Bros new movie, she wants me to take some pictures with James to let people know I’m back.’ 

‘I mean she is the professional here. If she thinks that’s a good idea, it’s worth considering right? I mean, are you nervous about doing this? It’s been some time right?’ Harry asked. 

‘No, it’s not that’ Louis shook his head. ‘I was just hoping that you would come with me,’ he added biting his li.p ‘I know that you work a lot and I know how important that is but maybe you would be able to take at least three days off? I could show you around all my favourite places in LA.’ Louis kept on rambling when Harry stopped him by tugging him closer and kissing his mouth in the middle of his sentence.

‘You had me at ‘hoping’.’ Harry smiled, leaning in again for another kiss. ‘I would love to go with you. When is it?’ He added, his lips trailing a pattern he knew well already from Louis’ lips all the way to his neck.

‘In two weeks?’ Louis breathed holding onto Harry tightly, feeling already weak in his knees. The effect that man had on him.

‘Mhmmm…’ Harry hummed, his lips sucking onto Louis’ neck undeniably living a mark. ‘I’ll rearrange some shifts at work, it’s fine.’ He bit on Louis’ earlobe. ‘Now what I want to know is are we going to stay in some outrageously pricey hotel with outrageously fancy bathtubs and fancy room service?’ Harry teased, his mouth still working miracles over Louis’ skin and Louis was thankful for the fact that it was late already, hopefully no one could see how Harry grabbed him by his ass possessively and how Louis was like clay in his hands.

‘We can if you want to.’ Louis breathed out. 

Harry just grinned devilishly at him which seemed like a promise to Louis and he was right because two weeks later they were checking in the hotel that Harry had reserved for them.

‘Haz this is way too much.’ Louis said, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. There was no point in Harry spending his money on lavish hotel suites. 

‘Lou just shut up and strip.’ Harry ordered rolling his eyes and throwing his stuff on the couch before moving to the bathroom and shedding his clothes in his wake.

Louis laughed a little stunned and after a disbelieving shake of his head he double checked if the doors were closed and stepped inside the bathroom.

Harry was standing naked next to the bathtub the water pouring in, when he was emptying the contents of those small toiletries into it. 

He was beautiful. Every line of his body was just perfect and he was singing under his breath some tune Louis didn’t recognise and Louis felt his heart grow ten times the size, so much that his chest seemed it was not able to hold it. The feeling of warmth erupting in his chest before it came down to three simple words:

‘I love you’ Louis blurted out and suddenly he felt all of the pent up angst and fears leave his body. He wasn’t even nervous whether Harry would say it back, he could wait for it. God he would wait a hundred years and then he would wait a million more for him to say it back.

Harry just turned around slowly his mouth half open, his eyes glassing over and he moved towards Louis with one swift motion, cradling his head in both of his hands and kissing him senseless.

‘I love you too.’ Harry giggled happily, his thumbs stroking Louis’ cheekbones. ‘Now, I hate to repeat myself, dear.’ He teased. ‘But strip.’ He laughed and with one last quick kiss that made Louis chase after him, he moved back and jumped into a bathtub.

‘Come here,’ he said softly and Louis followed.

They were laying in the huge bathtub, Louis leaning over Harry’s chest with Harry’s hand drawing some patterns with his fingers over his stomach.

‘It’s nice isn’t it?’ Harry whispered his lips grazing Louis ear.

‘Yeah.’ Louis agreed, relaxing more into his arms.

‘I’m really glad you let me come with you, Lou.’ 

‘I didn’t let you come with me, I asked you to come with me.’ Louis corrected.

‘That’s why I’m glad.’ Harry said and Louis could feel his smile at the back of his head. ‘I read your book, you know.’

‘Oh?’ Louis tensed. ‘Which one?’

‘Your first one.’ Harry said leisurely like he wasn’t just holding Louis’ entire self esteem in his palm.

‘What did you think?’ Louis asked, worrying his lip between his teeth.

‘It made me fall in love with you all over again.’

* * *

**_Zayn Malik uncovers a plagiarism scandal and walks from set!_ **

_ This year started great for the young star. Zayn was starred in Nick Grimshaw’s newest movie, predicted to be nominated for a Golden Globe… or is it? Rumours of on-set tension have been flying for few weeks now. Some are associated with Zayn’s rumoured sexual orientation, some linked to Grimshaw’s ex boyfriend - Louis Tomlinson, a young screenwriter and Malik’s personal friend who disappeared from the public eye over a year ago in unclear circumstances. Now, it seems we may actually have a reason for that. _

_ Our sources say Zayn found out that Grimshaw stole the script from his then boyfriend, who, justifiably feeling betrayed, skipped town. Now, as we heard, Louis is back in LA taking meetings with the head of Warner Bros, rumours say with Zayn by his side, and suddenly the date of release for Zayn and Nick’s movie got pushed back a few weeks. _

_ We reached out for a comment from their representation. For now they all decline to comment. _

* * *

‘For now they all declined to comment. Oh Jesus Christ, she wants me to talk about it on the carpet.’ Louis groaned when he finished reading the article.

They had just been taking advantage of the huge hotel bed, and thankfully were done when Louis’ phone started to ring  incessantly, making Harry finally lean over Louis and push his cell in his hands.

‘Just pick it up, deal with it so we can go another round, okay love?’ He asked with a smirk, and stood up moving towards the bathroom with a sway to his hips. God, Louis loved when he got bossy with him.

It turned out, the call was from Gigi who wanted to alert him about the articles out now and asked him to read it and call him later.

‘What did you say love?’ Harry asked sticking his head through the door.

‘The news broke.’ Louis grimaced. ‘She ran the article about the plagiarism.’ 

‘Oh shit.’ Harry said coming back into the room. ‘Can I see?’ He crawled into the bed and placed Louis the way he always liked - propped up on his chest.

‘Yeah,’ Louis said and angled the phone towards Harry who leaned over Louis’ arm and read the article silently.

‘Well you definitely don’t have to worry about Zayn.’ He snorted. ‘Are all of them like this? Zayn, saviour of it all?’ 

‘From what I saw, yeah.’ Louis nodded.

‘Well it’s not bad right? Zayn is covered they didn’t say anything offensive about you being gay. It’s good, right Lou?’ He asked with an adorable wrinkle between his eyes.

‘She released it today, H. A day before I’m set to be on the red carpet. With you. So she wants me to talk about it. And she wants me to basically flaunt you.’ Louis grimaced, all but crossing his arms over his chest in defiance.

‘Lou, you were going to flaunt me either way. Gigi got me a suit, remember?’ Harry looked at him patronizing.

‘Maybe you’re right.’ Louis sighed.

‘Of course I am.’ Harry rolled his eyes. ‘You always work yourself up over the smallest things but this is not bad! Don’t you think that maybe she’s giving you a chance to tell your part of the story on the carpet and not put words in your mouth through the article?’

‘I… I didn’t think about that.’ Louis agreed. ‘But a bit more notice would be nice.’

‘Ha!’ Harry guffawed loudly before he slapped a hand over his mouth to stop himself. ‘Are you really trying to tell me that if you got more notice you wouldn’t try to weasel out of it?’ 

Louis thought for a second about Harry’s words and had to admit that they rang true. He probably was right, if Louis had longer notice he would probably overanalyze the whole thing and back out before Gigi could do what was her job that she was actually good at.

‘Thank you,’ he said instead of overthinking this time and twisted his upper body to look at Harry properly and kiss him.

‘You’re welcome baby.’ Harry said with a self satisfied smile. ‘Now call Gigi back, I’m so not done with you yet.’

* * *

 

The red carpet was not easy. After being briefed by Gigi, he made sure to keep it vague but not really deny anything as he was just about to file an official lawsuit against Nick. Gigi already had Sony people on the line trying to silence the entire thing, but she wasn’t taking their calls yet.

Even with Harry’s hand in his when they were already inside, Louis couldn’t help but think of Nick.

He must have known what happened by now and for now there was no comment. Ever since the first article appeared, Nick went radio silent and from what Gigi told him his management was running wild trying to find him. Louis knew what that felt like, and as bitter as he was about the whole thing, he couldn’t help but worry. From what Louis could deduct Nick probably had gone on a bender. Louis still remembered his benders. He could only assume it got worse over time.

‘You were amazing love.’ Harry whispered to him when they were walking from the screening to the party hall.

‘And you look amazing.’ He said smirking and sneaking his hand under Harry’s suit on the small of his back. ‘The things I would do to you,’ he muttered shaking his hand.

‘Well let’s go there then, shake some hands and get the fuck out of here what do you say?’ Harry quipped raising one of eyebrows.

‘You are a genius baby.’ Louis agreed kissing Harry softly.

It was easier said than done though. Harry was dead set on making good impression on Zayn, leaving Louis to suck up to studio execs all by himself. He was tired as all hell, everyone was asking him about Nick, and he was so sick of it. He went back to Harry only to find him giggling over something with Zayn both sitting in the booth with few glasses of champagne on the table. Fuckers.

‘Well at least someone is having fun.’ He snickered, throwing himself on the seat next to Harry.

‘Oh baby.’ Harry cooed ‘Are you ready to go?’ He asked softly, almost like he didn’t mean for Zayn to hear him.

‘Yes please.’ Louis groaned putting his face on the table, smiling at how cold it was.

‘Okay, let me just go to the bathroom and we can go, okay?’ Harry smiled and with a quick kiss he was gone.

‘I like him.’ Zayn noted over the brim of his glass.

‘That means nothing. You fucking loved Nick.’ Louis rolled his eyes.

‘He’s nothing like Nick.’ Zayn gritted through his teeth.

‘No, not really. He takes care of me. Not the other way around this time.’ Louis admitted.

‘That’s good. I’m glad someone is taking care of you, Lou.’ Zayn said, his face open and honest. He and Zayn didn’t have a lot of these moments, so Louis reached out and hugged him tightly.

‘Oh, I see your boy.’ Zayn said. ‘We better stop touching inappropriately,’ he joked, making Louis laugh before he saw the look on Harry’s face and he quickly excused himself meeting Harry halfway.

‘Love, what’s wrong?’ He asked under his breath, squeezing Harry’s hand. ‘You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’

‘I think I met Nick.’ Harry deadpanned.

‘What?’ Louis asked confused.

‘Nick cornered me in a bathroom. Lou, he’s… he was acting crazy. I don’t think he’s okay. He… he wouldn’t listen to me. I tried to talk to him but of course he won’t listen to me he just saw me with you, but… he’s not well.’ Harry said frantically and Louis was fucking pissed. How dare Nick come to Harry with his bullshit now? 

‘H, he’s a drunk. That’s what he is.’ Louis said strongly, his jaw squared. ‘And I’m done trying to save him.’

‘No… Lou.. I don’t think he’s just drunk.’ Harry said, sounding frantic. ‘He was… I think you should find him, someone should find him. I think he’s on something.’ He added in a low tone of voice, mindful of people around them.

‘Drugs?’ Louis asked shocked.

‘I...’ Harry rubbed hands over his eyes. ‘I think so, yeah. I’m pretty sure.’

Louis’ mouth opened and closed. Shit, he should have known that already, shouldn’t he? But that meant that this was way more serious than he had thought. Damn him, damn him to hell. And damn Harry for being right all the time. He nodded slowly and looked around, searching for Nick. The parallel between the last time he was looking around like this, for the same exact person hit him in the gut.

‘I don’t see him anywhere.’ Louis shook his head. ‘I’ll go ask security.’ He said and kissed Harry quickly, catching Zayn’s eye who was still standing nearby and signaling him to come keep Harry company. He knew how awful these parties could be if you didn’t know anyone and he didn’t want to make Harry feel like that.

He moved towards the main entrance and saw Nick and a security guard near the door. He approached quickly, hearing Nick raise his voice.

‘Hey, hey, what’s an issue?’ He asked, coming to stand beside them.

‘The fuck do you want?!’ Nick snarled and Louis took one look at him to see what Harry meant. He’s eyes were unfocused and he was sweating.

‘I got it.’ Louis said to the security man who looked between them unsure, but stepped back slightly to give them the illusion of privacy.

‘Jesus Nick, what the fuck are you doing. Come on just, I can drive you home okay?’ Louis gritted through his teeth, his emotions all over the place just as his tone balancing between concerned and still pissed off.

‘That won’t be necessary.’ A guy appeared out of nowhere and put his arms around NIck’s waist. 

‘Patty.’ Louis sighed. Patty was Nick’s manager. He was once Louis’ too. ‘Is he okay?’ Louis asked quietly, and Patty just looked at him tiredly and asked with the tone stripped out of any malice, like he was actually curious.

‘Why do you even care?’

* * *

_ Breaking news! _

**_Disgraced screenwriter Nick Grimshaw overdosed!_ **

_ Nick Grimshaw was found in his house in Beverly Hills by his cleaning lady this morning. Sources say it was a cocaine overdose. For now Grimshaw is stable. Police don’t suspect foul play. _

_ This comes after an allegation of plagiarising a script of his ex boyfriend - Louis Tomlinson. Just yesterday the news broke about Tomlinson filing an official lawsuit against Grimshaw. His representation says Nick is well and stable. Louis, who is currently shooting his new movie in Hawaii, declined to comment. _

* * *

Louis arrived at the airport in the evening and he put on his hood, tugging it over his eyes. He moved towards the exit when he spotted Gigi waiting for him. Zayn wanted to pick him up but Louis knew that if he would come here, news of Zayn being on the airport would go viral and the place would be crawling with paparazzi in seconds.

So Gigi picked him up, and she wordlessly pulled him into a hug and stirred him towards her car. 

‘Do you want to go to the hotel first?’ She asked quietly.

‘No, just drive me to the hospital.’ Louis said, leaning back in the chair and looking out of the window.

‘I don’t know if he’ll want to see you.’ She said quietly.

‘I know.’ 

‘Are you sure…’ Gigi started.

‘He doesn’t have anyone else, Gigi!’ Louis yelled. ‘He doesn’t have any family and I assume his  _ friends  _ are the one who gave him cocaine in the first place. Maybe he doesn’t want me there but I have to fucking try.’

‘Okay.’ Gigi conceded. ‘What did Harry say?’

'Have you met Harry? Ever?’ Louis asked snarkily. ‘He understands.’ 

He took out his phone both because he promised Harry to let him know when he arrived and  because he didn’t feel like talking about it again. When Louis called him in a full blown panic attack over learning that Nick nearly died, Harry had managed to calm him down and half convince him that it wasn’t Louis’ fault.

Right. So the timing of him overdosing two days after Louis filed a lawsuit was just a coincidence.

Louis would understand if Harry didn’t want to deal with all the drama he had going on. It couldn’t be good for a more or less new relationship to have all of that hanging over their heads on top of the fact that Louis was now in Hawaii and couldn’t go back to London as often as he wished. But Harry just said, ‘If you want to be there for him then you should be there for him Lou’, and it was said with such honesty that Louis cried some more into the phone, this time not entirely because of Nick.

_ I just landed at LAX. Gigi is driving me.  _ He texted to Harry.

**That’s good love. I just woke up btw. I don’t have to be at work for at least few hours so call me if you need me okay? If I can’t pick up I’ll call you back on break!**

Louis pinched the bridge of his nose to stop himself from tearing up when another text from Harry came through.

**oh , and I love you.**

His eyes did get glossy over that though as he typed out quickly.

_ Thank you. You are amazing I love you I love you I love you _

* * *

The hospital was quiet when he got there and a nurse let him in to see Nick with a ‘He doesn’t have a lot of visitors, poor thing’. Louis pushed the door open, making a strip of light shine on Nick’s sleeping figure.

He looked at him briefly before looking away. He didn’t know whether he could even look. He didn’t know whether Nick wanted him. So he sat on the armchair in the corner of the room and after a few minutes he fell asleep.

* * *

‘Louis?’ He heard a whisper and he jumped awake noticing his surroundings, his heart rate slowing down.

‘...Hi.’ He said finally, not really knowing what else he could say.

‘Am I dreaming?’ Nick asked softly and Louis’ heart clenched.

‘No.’ He choked out.

‘Am I high?’ Nick asked then with furrowed eyebrows and Louis’ heart broke.

‘No Nick, you’re in a hospital, remember?’

‘Oh.’ He looked around and his eyes focused on Louis again. ‘You still came.’

‘I wasn’t sure you would want me to.’ Louis admitted.

‘I was scared you would come. But I’m glad you did.’ 

‘I’m glad I did too.’ Louis said and leaned in his chair a bit to take a better look at Nick. ‘How are you feeling?’ He asked and Nick laughed bitterly.

‘Let’s skip that.’ 

Louis just nodded and the conversation seemed to come to a halt. Now Louis just felt awkward. He had no idea what the fuck he thought was going to happen if he came here.

‘I’m sorry.’ Nick said then, looking at Louis tiredly.

‘It’s okay.’ Louis said in the absence of anything better to say.

‘It’s not.’ Nick snorted.

‘It’s not.’ Louis agreed. 

‘So why did you come here?’ Nick demanded.

‘...I didn’t want you to be alone.’ Louis said blushing, ashamed of the sentiment. Maybe still caring made him weak. But that didn’t change the fact that he did care.

‘But you’re not going to be here. For the long run. You’re going to be gone by morning, and I’ll never see you again.’ 

‘You don’t know that.’ Louis shook his head.

‘I do though!’ Nick protested. ‘You’re going to leave in an hour after you get your fucking closure and I’ll lose you again and I…’ He stopped himself with a hand on his mouth, closing his eyes tightly.

‘I didn’t realise it actually meant anything to you. Losing me, that is.’ Louis said coldly. Maybe too coldly considering how fragile Nick was.

‘I thought I already lost you.’ Nick said with a sigh. ‘When I… when I did it. I thought you were already gone. I convinced myself that you would leave me any day now. In my head you were not mine anymore. I was just.. I wanted to have something... anything.’

‘I wasn’t gone.To that very last moment when you found me in your study, I wasn’t gone.’ Louis shook his head.

‘I know.’ 

Louis had so many questions in his head but none of them seemed appropriate for this moment. He didn’t particularly want to go off on Nick now, so he spent a good ten minutes opening and closing his mouth over and over again until finally settling on what he wanted to say.

‘You may think I’m here only for closure, but I do care about you. I do recognize the life we had together and I… I was devastated that it ended like this. But I know it wasn’t entirely your fault. So I may not have forgiven you yet. But I will. One day I really will. I can’t be here for you in the long run. I think you know that too. There’s too much hurt and resentment between us, but I do want you to be happy. I do want you to get better and I do want you to write again. I want you to write those beautiful things you were writing when I met you.’ Louis said, his voice quivering slightly ‘So maybe it is closure. Maybe I’m selfish and that’s all I came here for. But I think we both need it.’

Nick looked at him and rubbed under his eyes, sniffling quietly.

‘I know you won’t be here in the long run.’ Nick nodded. ‘Can you at least stay tonight?’ 

And something about that question sounded so much like the nervous guy Louis met for the first time that Louis couldn’t say no. He nodded and settled again into the armchair and just looked at Nick who was looking back, his eyes tired and defeated. Louis probably should have said something, but this conversation in the middle of the night when the hospital was quiet and dark around them… it seemed significant in a way, and Louis didn’t want to taint it with questions like  _ why.  _ Didn’t he know why already? So he only looked. Nick’s face was illuminated by the moonlight, his eyes starting to droop slightly and finally he fell asleep, and Louis drifted off too to the sound of him breathing.

The next morning he woke up and saw a nurse clearing Nick’s bed.

‘What happened?’ He stood up frantically.

‘He left that for you.’ She smiled at him sadly pointing with her chin to the card sitting on top of his bag.

He opened it and read Nick’s messy handwriting.

_ Thank you for staying. I’m sorry for everything I did. I signed involuntary admission at rehab. It means that now I have to be there for at least 30 days even if I want to leave. I gave them my consent to keep me there with whatever means necessary. So maybe that helps. And maybe I don’t have a right to say it but in another world you are still with me. Take care, Lou. You deserve so much better than me. _

* * *

Being in a cold, cloudy London again never felt so good. After another four weeks in sunny Hawaii, Louis was as done with sun as a British person can be.

Harry made him dinner. He bought expensive wine and when he opened the door for Louis, who came to his place straight from the airport he held him in his arms for over fifteen minutes and refused to let go.

Yeah, it was so good to be back in London. 

‘I missed you.’ Harry said again, scooting his chair even closer to Louis and kissing his neck again.

‘I missed you too, baby.’ Louis giggled, feeling Harry’s hands sneak under his shirt. ‘Jesus you’re an animal.’ 

‘I haven’t seen you in weeks!’ Harry whined. ‘I just want to touch your skin.’ He murmured, sticking his nose into Louis’ neck, making the other boy sigh contently.

‘So..’ Harry murmured against his neck. ‘What are you doing next? Am I going to lose you to Hollywood again?’ He asked sternly.

‘Actually,’ Louis grinned, standing up and kissing off a whine and a pout from Harry’s lips. ‘I will have to do some promo for the movie, but afterwards well…. I actually have something else in mind.’ He said going through his bag until he finally produced a stack of papers out of it and moved back to his chair, putting the papers on Harry’s lap.

‘What is it?’ Harry asked, interested.

‘It’s my third book, hopefully. I started to write it back when we didn’t know each other, just finished it in Hawaii. I hoped you would read it before I send it to my book agent.’ Louis asked shyly.

‘Oh Lou,’ Harry smiled, touching the pages. ‘Of course, I will! What is it about?’ He asked to which Louis just smiled and pointed towards the title page.

_ Always you. _

* * *

Louis got a call from Gigi that morning that the first reviews of his third book were out. He was nervous. After that much time spent in Hollywood going back to his roots and good old ink and paper was nerve wracking.

Finally after a whole day of stalling he finally picked up his laptop and moved to the kitchen to make himself some tea as he read what the New York Times had to say.

He read the first few paragraphs with a tentative smile, as the review was nothing short of raving until he finally got to the last paragraph and couldn’t help but grin full on.

_ Tomlinson’s love letter to his partner makes me believe in love again. Makes me believe in love that’s not built on sacrifice, that’s not built on miscommunication or a comedy of errors, that’s not built on abuse or co-dependence like movies and books these days want to convince us it should. Lewis is not saved by Henry, he saves himself with Henry cheering from the sidelines. It is a comeback in a great style. I have no idea where Tomlinson was for that year and a half there, but if that’s what he was working on this whole time? Let me buy him a ticket to another recluse.  _

And when Louis finished reading the review he smiled widely and thought about getting a paper copy of the newspaper and framing the last paragraph. Maybe getting a copy for Harry too, like a twisted version of a usual framed desk photo. He liked that idea.

He closed his laptop just when his tea brewed so he poured himself a cup and looked out the window.

The bus stopped at the corner of his house at 7.16 pm like it always did every day from Monday to Friday and a man got off that bus. He looked up and must have seen Louis through the window because he beamed at him widely and waved.

And Louis didn’t acknowledge him in the slightest.

He just moved to the door to welcome him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for the entire thing as promised : alcohol addiction, drug addiction, overdose on cocaine- it's nothing TOO heaby he goes to the hospital and then to rehab but it's there.


End file.
